Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dear Jack,

You are 4 months old now. I can hardly believe it.It seems like you are growing way to fast. You are so happy all the time. Your always smiling, and laughing, and babbling. Your favorite thing to do in the whole world is jump. You would jump all day if I let you. You stand in your jumper and hold on to the sides and leap off the floor and squeal and laugh and smile. It is really awesome to watch. You still hate to be on your belly though, I'm sorta afraid you'll never crawl. If we put you on your belly within a minute your whining and squirming and trying your hardest to flip over, or get us to pick you up. If we don't you throw a fit.

You sleep through the night most nights, waking up at 5am and going back down till around 8ish. Thank you for that. I really like that you sleep so I can too. Because you sleep so much at night you wake up starving! So this month you started solid foods. You had been interested in our foods ever since you could focus on things, and you love food. I gave you a little bit of rice cereal and you smiled so big, as if to say, "YAY! Food I don't have to drink." lol. Then you inhaled the rest of it. So far you've only tried a few foods, rice cereal (like), apples (sorta like), bananas (sorta like I don't think you enjoy the sliminess of them.), and avocados (LOVE!!!)

This month you got to see Santa for the first time. All the babies in line before you screamed bloody murder when they got to sit on his lap. Not you you looked up at him and smiled then you looked over at me and smiled really big, and mommy got the best First Santa visit picture ever!

Last night we decorated the tree and you really liked to see yourself in the silver bulbs. You are fascinated by the lights on the tree. You sit and stare at them with a look of wonder on your face.

This is going to be the bet Christmas ever, because I already got the best gift ever... you.

Love you forever,


Wednesday, November 24, 2010


This year there is alot to be thankful for here in Serra land. Last Christmas like the 5 Christmases before, when someone asked me what I wanted, I wished for a baby in my heart. Little did I know that baby was growing inside of me. This Thanksgiving will be full of laughs and baby babble and for that I am very thankful. One little man came into our lives this year and we just may be the most thankful family there ever was.

Here is my thankful list. What are you thankful for?

* Having an attached garage.

* Having a momma that is also my best friend.

* Having an amazing Husband who works really hard so I can be a stay at home Mommy.

* Pretzel M&Ms

* Most importantly, this.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Dear Jack

Time is flying by. Your already three months old. Yet it feels like you've been here forever. We've reached the point where everyday there is something new.

All of the sudden you've got a little face that explodes with HUGE smiles and laughter. Your the happiest baby I have ever seen, and I'm not just saying that because your my son. The only time you really cry is when you are hungry. You get pretty demanding when your hungry.

Every night before you go to bed you sit on my lap and we have a conversation. I talk to you and make goofy faces, and you babble and smile, and laugh. That's my favorite thing. You look right in my eyes and babble at me like your telling me all about your day.

You love to jump. You have a jumper in the door way between the kitchen and the dinning room and you love it. You get so excited and you smile and yell. If the radio is on when your jumping and a song you like comes on you jump so hard the floor shakes.

Buddy is in love you! He has finally figured out that you are the kid we had promised him and baby sits you if I leave the room, and your left behind in your crib or your swing. If you are on your play mat on the floor he brings you his toys and drops them near by, and he waits for you to throw them. He wants so badly for you to play with him. It breaks his wrinkly little heart that you can't run and play fetch with him yet.

To further prove you are the best gift I've ever been given, you decided that three months old is the perfect age to sleep through the night and you've been sleeping 6 to 8 hours without waking for a while now. Thank you for that little man. It makes mommy very happy. On top of being a rock star sleeper you also wake up happy. With big smiles for me when I come to get you from your crib.

I love watching you study the world around you.

Love you little man,


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Watch Me Shrink.

One month ago I posted about how I was going to start the weight loss process again.
Do you know what I've done to make that happen? NOTHING! Unless you count the squats I did on Saturday, and switching to diet soda. Yeah... FAIL!!! So it's butt kicking time. It's not about the baby weight. It's because I don't feel good about myself, and I don't feel healthy. I wasn't feeling healthy before I got pregnant.I'm only 10 pounds heavier then when I got pregnant. I started gaining when we moved here and started renovation on this house. I've been eating junk. A LOT of junk. That needs to stop now. Hub isn't always home from work at dinner time, and I was using that as an excuse to go out and get junky fast food that I don't even like and having that for dinner. Last night as I was eating cheese sticks for dinner I realized that this wasn't what I really wanted to be doing and that they didn't really taste that good. I wanted to get a roasted chicken and some salad but here in Bangladesh (my new name for this crap hole part of the world) you can't find ready cooked chicken after noon. I know that is still no excuse for my poor eating habits. The point is that it needs to stop.

Over the coarse of the next month I'm going to take steps to eat better and get my butt off the couch. My plan is to put fruits or veggies in my mouth with every meal, drinking more water, and to start the same exercises I was doing when I started to lose weight the first time. Situps push ups squats ect. I hope to start the couch to 10k program again by this time next month. I'm going to shoot for once per week updates on how I'm doing with this process.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

2 Months

Dear Jack,

Tomorrow you will be two months old. You are babbling and yelling AH!. I have even heard you say "OH" a few times. You are so playful. You like to stand and jump on our laps. You really like to ride ponies on our knees. If we are out shopping and stop the cart to look at something you start to whine, you like to be on the go.

When I take you out I still get "that must be a brand new baby comments." You look like a one month old, because you were born a month early. You are just now starting to wear 0-3 month clothes and size one diapers. Your a strong little guy. You have so much strength and control in your neck it amazes me and daddy. Your little arms and legs are very strong too.

We went apple picking with you for the first time. You weren't to thrilled with the apple trees, or the pumpkin patch we set you in to take your picture. We still got cute ones though.

The other day you got your first Hemi hug, and you quickly re payed him by eating his ear. You grabbed right ahold of it and in your mouth it went. Your starting to do that with everything.

You like to talk on the phone with your Grammy. When she talks you get big big smiles. If you happen to hear your uncle Jeremy in the back ground your smile gets so big I think your face might split in two.

You are so happy. Your little adorable redish haired self, makes mommy and daddy's life so much better and happier. Snuggles from you make even the worst days better. I love you so much little chipmunk.

Love forever,


Tuesday, September 28, 2010


WOW! Alot has happened since my last post. I turned 25. Jack had his first trip to the apple orchard. He also had a blood transfusion. So yeah that's where I've been.

I've been trying to write about Jack's transfusion since it happened two weeks ago, but theres alot of guilt there. 1) because, he got a blood disorder from my side of the family. One that I have, and really its no big deal for me... but then no one in my family has ever needed a transfusion for it before. 2) Because, he was really anemic, and I didn't see it.

We have sphearocytosis. Basically that means our red blood cells are shaped like a ball instead of a disk, so our spleens filter them out... well not mine cause I no longer posses one. It was removed when I was 6. This is probably in Jack's future. We have an appointment with the hematologist again this Thursday, hopefully we get his test results, even though I'm 99.9% sure this is what is wrong with Jack the thought of all those very small possibilities creep in every once in a while. Also I really want some sort of idea about how to keep him from getting so anemic in the future.

The blood transfusion its self was no big deal. They just put us in a hospital room, and hooked Jack up to an IV and gave him two units of blood. It was hell on me though. I stayed up all night holding my baby, who acted normal, and had no idea what was going on. Also it was hell because the insurance company didn't seem to understand that it was urgent that my 5 week old son get this blood, and hung up on the doctor's office and lost the referral request. Hub spent the whole day on the phone screaming at jerks. I held Jack, and watched him get weaker by the minute, until finally I decided it was better to ask for forgiveness then permission and had him admitted. Hopefully we wont need to do this all again on Thursday.

That said, he is a very healthy little guy and he's growing like a weed. He's so strong, and stubborn and playful. I'm am constantly amazed by him.

We went apple picking for my birthday this past Saturday. Jack like the long walk, but hated the apples, and the trees. We managed to get a couple good pictures though. We had fun, and it was the start of a family tradition. That felt pretty good.

Besides being busy around here I really have no good excuse for not posting. sorry. Oh and I've managed to lose 3 pounds in all the caos. Not too bad considering all the stress.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Shrinking Again.

It's time to shrink again. I got the all clear from my OB to work out, and now I'm back on my path. I have about 30 lbs to lose now. My goal is 185. That's about 10 pounds lighter than I was last summer. I really want to fit into a size 12. I know that its not about the tag on my clothes, but I just really want that. It would be so much easier to find clothes that fit. My body seems to have rearranged its self. I have a butt now, I never really had hips or a but and now I do. I don't mind that so much, its all the loose hanging junk around my belly, and the flabby legs and arms that are bugging me. Being on bed rest made all the muscle I had worked so hard on turn to flab.

I'm starting slowly. I went for a five mile walk with Jack yesterday. We have a park nearby that has a paved trail through the woods by a river. I was so quiet and nice, I just walked and thought. I tried to get Jack to take a picture with a orange leaf that had fallen but he wasn't having any part of that. He started screaming because the stroller stopped. Poor kid had his second hep B vac. yesterday, and he wasn't too happy about it.

I'm planing to walk there every other day until the weather is bad. I'm also planing on going through my work out DVD collection this week and doing one of those maybe on the days I don't get to walk. I'm also slowly cutting back on my calories, and stopping the junk food.

My smaller goal is to be able to jog on that trail with Jack in the jogging stroller next spring after the snow is gone.

I'll be posting updates on that on Mondays. (hopefully)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Dear Jack.

I'm going to write you these letters when you hit a milestone or something great happens. I want you to remember all the good things.

Your one month old now my sweet little boy. In this short month that you have been here you have brought so much love and happiness to my life.

Everyday you get stronger and more alert. That is a big difference from the beginning. You had jaundice so you slept allot when you first came home. Now your playing and looking into mommy and daddy's eyes. Your fascinated by lights and your two dogs, you stare at them for hours. You are so strong. You can hold your head up all by yourself for the most part. If we put you on your tummy you do a push up, and can hold yourself there and look around. Sometimes your really stubborn and you lock up all of your joints so we can't change your clothes or tape your diaper.

You like to hold onto everything, your paci, clothes, and toys, if its near you and it draws your attention you reach for it. You are a curious little guy. You study everything, and like to look at new things. It feels like your already in such a hurry to grow up and do things on your own. You try to put the paci back in your mouth if you lose it, and it seems like you have a new talent to show your daddy everyday when he gets home from work.

You've already had a few adventures. When you were two weeks old one of your daddy's friends got married, and you went to their wedding in a big park. You've been to a cook out, and for a long ride out in the country. Everywhere we go people stop us to tell us how beautiful you are.

You have a favorite toy already. It's a grey elephant that plays music that your Grammy got you. It is the first thing you ever reached for. You grab it by the ear and try so hard to shove it in your mouth. It seems so simple, but your mommy and daddy could watch you do that forever.

You came into our lives just one month ago, and we were forever changed. You made us so much more, so much better. You are a dream come true.


Thursday, August 26, 2010


So my MIL... yeah I cant say anything nice today about that so if that bugs you go away now...

She wont come over to see the baby... but she keeps bugging Hub to drop him off over there for a few hours... YEAH NOT HAPPENING! I'm not leaving my less then 3 week old son with that woman. More than that the only reason I can think that she wont come see him is that I am here. We come as a package and if she doesn't want to see me then she doesn't need to see him. GAHH!!! I'm so pissed off at that! Why do we have to be so far away from the good grandmother? My mom loves this kid and would do anything just to get to see him... but not her oh no she wont see him if I'm around... Well then she wont be seeing him at all... DUMB BITCH! there I said it. I've had it with that dumb bitch and all her drama.

She even was talking shit about my mom in my hospital room while my mom was right there, and I was in the NICU feeding my son. NOPE! NO MORE! I'M Done! It's going to be a long two more years, but I can't wait to move far far away from here!!!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Jack's Arival

As I'm trying to find the words to describe the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, my son is snuggling and sleeping on my chest.

I was put on strict bedrest about a week before Jack was born, after spending another night in the hospital. My blood pressures were getting out of control and the doctor was concerned. I had been going in for twice weekly non-stress tests to monitor the baby. I had Preeclampsia. My OB kept saying at my last apt that he would be surprised if I made it another week. I was almost 36 weeks. I so was scared that Jack would be early, and what might happen to him because of it. My mom had flew in after my last hospital stay, as she was afraid that I might have Jack and she would miss it, and she wanted to take care of me.

That Saturday was the 7th and we had been hanging out since I was on bedrest. Just after breakfast I had started not feeling well and I got a headache, and blurry vision. I managed to keep it to myself until after lunch when I decided that the headache wasn't going away, and it wasn't because I hadn't eaten or drank enough. I hadn't been experiencing headaches or too many vision problems so, we called the OB. He told Hub to bring me into the hospital and don't let me eat anything before hand. So I knew something was different from all the other hospital says, as he had never said that before, and I had been admitted to L&D 3 other times.

Mom had gone out for a walk to pick some black berries she had found growing next to a trail by my house, so Hub went out to find her and bring her back while I got ready. I put on some clothes, and cleaned myself up, and by the time I hunting for my flip flops they were home. We grabbed my bag and loaded up into the car. Constant nervous chatter about nothing spewed from my mouth. I couldn't let my mind focus on what I knew was happening. I couldn't let fear seep in around the edges.

We got to the hospital and up to L&D and the nurse put me in a real room. Prior to this I had always been put in the triage room, so this just reassured the fact that this was it. I got an IV, and hooked up to my buddy the BP cuff, and they took my info, and some blood. Then we were left alone to stare at each other and wonder. The Resident came in and told me what was going on. They were going to see if my body and the baby reacted well to some Pitocin. Then they were going to put a pill in to thin my crevix and get things going.

She gave me an ultrasound just to make sure he was still head down like he had been during my last visit, and he was. So she stared the Pitocin, and let me go. In the middle of the night the I had enough contractions ( although I didn't really feel them) and the baby reacted well so they stopped the Pitocin and she checked me. I was 1 cm and 70 % effaced so, she put in the pill. (I can't remember the name of it now) Then I sat around and waited and felt small contractions. They didn't really hurt, but they weren't comfortable, mostly they were strange. My mom kept saying I'd have him at about noon so I should get some sleep. I couldn't believe that was at all possible. I got checked twice early the next morning and I was 3 cm and 80% effaced. So they started the Pitocin back up. The contractions got stronger and began to feel more like strong cramps. Hub would hold my hand through the bad ones.

My OB came in at about 10am the next morning, and checked me and said he could feel what he thought was a hand coming down before the baby's head, which isn't a good thing as it could cause him to get stuck. So he got the ultrasound and scanned me. He found that what he thought was a hand turned out to be a foot. Jack had turned around during the night. I didn't feel it at all. The OB didn't look too happy. He was thinking out loud and trying to figure out what to do next. He mentioned my worst fear, tying to turn him. I had it in my head that it was scary and dangerous, and I didn't want it no matter what. But, when it came down to it I had the choice of trying to turn him and having a c-section right away. So I decided to let the Ob try and turn him.

They shut off the Pitocin, and we waited for my contractions to stop. It took about an hour although, it felt like it was only a minute. I got an Epidural, which I was also scared of, but turned out to be no big deal at all. The worst part was the numbing medicine that was injected before hand. Once it was in place I layed back down and waited for it to take effect. I felt like ants were crawling all over my body. And said so to my Mom and Hub repeatedly.

My OB came back in and brought another doc with him. I got the idea she hadn't ever tried to turn a baby before, because my OB was giving her instructions. I was nervous. So as they began I shut my eyes, and thought to myself, "Please don't let this hurt Jack". My OB was pushing with all his strength on my belly and the other doc was pulling. I couldn't feel a thing. But, all that effort was no use. Jack wouldn't budge. He's stubborn like his momma.

In what felt like a blink of an eye, I was in the OR being prepped for a C-section. Hub was in the hallway in a yellow paper gown waiting for a nurse to get him. I remember the anaesthesia nurse was complaining about the short notice she was given before they wheeled me in. My OB was talking about Erma's, a really good frozen custard place. The OB tested my belly to see if it was numb, and it wasn't, I could feel the sharp pinches. Which was surprising since I didn't feel all that pushing and pulling on my belly. The nurse put something in my epidural and I got really out of it, and I didn't feel the pinching anymore. They brought Hub in and time slowed way down. Until that moment, it felt like hours were seconds, then it felt like time just stopped as they began cutting. I was waiting for a cry, even the smallest little sound. But there was nothing. I felt tugging for a long time, apparently Jack was really wedged in there.

The tugging stopped, and still no cries. The terror set in, and I don't think my heart was beating. I felt like I was strapped down and helpless and alone. I saw the Peds doc carrying a small grey human to the incubator. They started working on him, and I said to Hub that he was really tiny. I was terrified. Still my baby wasn't crying. I couldn't even see him from where I was, so I didn't know they were bagging him. He wasn't breathing. I must have said, "Breath baby, come on Jack a thousand times". I thought I was going to lose him before I got to hold him and know him at all. Finally, after what felt like hours I heard a tiny mewing sound. Jack cried a few small gurgling cries from the incubator I hadn't taken my eyes off since they layed him in it. I saw a tiny pink foot come kicking up. Then he was wrapped up in Hub's arms and he was beautiful. I wanted so bad to touch him, but my hands were strapped down. I got to kiss his tiny little chubby cheek. Then they took him to the NICU.

I was sewn up and they took me back to my room. They put me on Magnesium and told me I had to stay in my bed until it was done. I had to be on it till the next morning. All I wanted to do was go be with my baby. I sent Hub and my Mom to be with him as soon as he could go. They gave Jack a chest Xray and put him on antibiotics, as a precaution. Hub took lots of pictures of him. He really was very tiny. only 5lbs 13oz. and 18 in long. He was born at 12:33pm. On August 8th. He had fluid in his lungs from being a c-section baby. He got to spend the second night in my room with us, but he developed Jaundice, so they kept him the next night. That was the hardest part. Being away from him after I had gotten to have him with me all night.

I got to go see him for the first time when he was one day old. The NICU nurse put him in my hands and I just stared, and tears filled my eyes. He is so worth everything I had to go through to get to be his mom. I knew right then I would have gladly done it all again just to be his mom. He was so tiny and perfect. He looked at me with big open eyes, and stole my heart. There are no words for how I felt at that moment. Instantly I loved him more then I ever thought I was capable of.

Jack is an amazing two week old baby now. He has his mommy and daddy wrapped around his little finger. He's beautiful, and so happy, and healthy, and I am so thankful.

Although his birth wasn't really what I had been expecting, I wouldn't change a thing about it because, this was the result...

... and he is pretty amazing.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Meet Jack

Jackson Phillip Born 8-8-2010 5 lbs 13 oz 18 1/2 in long.

He stole my heart the moment I saw him. When I finally got to hold him it was the most amazing moment of my life. We had a rough start at things but he is home and healthy now. And despite all the drama, medical and personal induced, (more later) his birth was perfect, and I wouldn't change it if I could.

I'm working on his birth story but it might be a little while because, he is so cute I can't put him down.

The pic with the thumb on his head is his daddy's thumb he took it to show me how little he really is. (I didn't get to see him his whole first day. My BPs were insane and I had to stay in bed on Magnesium.)

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Hey another list...

So ... am at the hospital...

Am getting induced...

waiting on the pill to thin my cervix...

Am 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced....

Am waiting...

Jack will be here soon...

Thursday, August 5, 2010


That last post... I wasn't going to post it. But I did. I was /am mad at Hub and that is most likely why my bp went up. But I still maybe shouldn't have posted all that... It sorta made me sound a little nuts I know. I was tired, and stressed, and really unhappy about spending 5 long hours in the hospital.

So things I learned for my hospital visit last night...

1) Jack is upside down... or the med student can't read an ultra sound. ( she really did think his abdomen was his head at first.)

2) My hospital reuses the bands for the baby & contraction monitors. ... EWWWW! plus they are totally the single use kind, and fall apart if you reuse them.

3) They also use the BP cuffs till they have holes in them... yup you guessed it... I got both.

4) My mom and Hub feed off of each other's crazy, when it comes to me... I don't know but maybe that is sweet... I just wish they would listen to me a little too before they make a decision.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Hospital... Agian.

So tonight I spent 5 hours laying in a triage bed in L&D. My BP was up... well yeah duh... I knew it was up... I knew why it was up but no one listens to me. So the Dr was called and in I went.

We got there and every piece of equipment in the room was broken... the straps on the monitor and the bp cuff. So I knew that wasn't a good sign. Then they sent a med student in and she did an ultrasound. She wasn't very good, as at first she thought Jack's belly was his head. The beating heart was a dead give away for me. Then she determined he is breech now... YAY!... NOT!! Kid has been head down for at least a month. You have got to be kidding me!! So now next time I have an issue I will have a c section... because he is upside down. Great!

OH! You want to know why my BP was up huh?... yeah that would be Hub... he's driving me nuts!!! It's all about him and he's going to do what ever he wants to do and he doesn't care what anyone says... including me... SO today after a long few days worth of discussion about weather or not we would get a new AC unit. We decided to pass and maybe possibly get one when Hub gets his bonus in Oct. Because we really can't afford to buy a whole lot of stuff on top of all the things we have had to get for Jack. So yeah... bet you can't guess what he did today?.... Yeah he went out and bought said Ac unit leaving us nearly broke for the rest of the pay period... ( two weeks from now... that's when... ) He left with out saying a word to me or my mom. Why because he doesn't think about anyone but himself!!! Then he tried to tell me I said we could get one... HAHAHAHAH! NEVER!!!!

He also was the driving force behind me going to the hospital, because he wouldn't leave me alone to calm down and get my head around the Ac debacle, and find an intelligent way to get him to return it. But I felt like crap as my BP went up and up because I was beyond mad, because my opinion has no bearing on decisions but his dad who lives 10000000 miles away in Utah does... SO I went to lay down in my room. I wanted to be alone. But he wouldn't give up. He kept coming in to "check" on me. He noticed my BP was up... and went and got my mom who had no idea how mad I was at that moment. She freaked out and they jumped on the band wagon and called my Dr. YAY! By the time I got out of there she finally realized that I was pissed... (still am for that matter) and that was why my BP was soaring. So of coarse my Bp was okay ( 140's / 80's 90's) at the hospital. GIANT WASTE OF TIME!!!

Now we are home... I am more upset... 1) because Jack is upside down... and I feel like I failed again... 2) because I don't seem to matter in my own house as he wont even talk about the AC thing now ... 3) because if I want that Ac unit returned I'm going to have to go fishing through his wallet for the receipt and do it while he is at work. Which will cause WW3... but its going to take WW3 to get him to do it anyhow.

PS... AC UNIT is totally un-needed as the 2 we had in the kitchen area were cooling things off. Also its hotter then hell in here... Why? you ask, after all the AC fighting? Because Hub doesn't want to run it... it uses too much power... unless we are sitting in front of it.
... Can I strangle him yet? Please?!!?

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Happenings ... In list form..

1) I spent the night at the hospital last Tues. For high BP, and Jack wasn't quite as responsive as they wanted him to be. They upped my BP meds, and Jack woke up a little while after we got to the hospital. My BP went down again, and they let me go the next morning.

2) I'm on bed rest... like really no shit bed rest. The kind where you are only supposed to get up to pee and possible eat something. I suck at it. Suck Alot. I can't rest if I know Jack is coming soon and I still need things for him.

3) My mom flew in on Wednesday. Shes going to camp out till Jack comes out.

4) Mom and I struck a deal... if they aren't making me have him tommrow, I get to go out to lunch and to Target... if I ride on a scooter... (YAY!) but then I must lay around and do nothing... So... here's hopeing kid stays in one more day.

5) Jack will be out with in the next two weeks... I'm thinking they will induce me on a Tuesday or Wednesday. (Dr's like weekends too.)

6) We got a new family member. His name is Hemi, and he is a Min Pin. We adopted him from people that I don't think really cared about him at all. So far he is a cute funny little guy. He and Buddy spend their time either ignoring each other, or playing and half getting along. I think they will be friends real soon.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

10000 Panic Attacks Later.

Since the last post I've had about 10000 panic attacks, over big and little things. Big things like, will he be healthy, or will he have to stay at the hospital. Little things like we didn't buy any newborn sized clothes, because we thought he was going to be big. (HA!) Or that I'm getting all nesty in my head, and I can't do too much about it.

I've come to terms with the fact that he is coming early. Today the doc said that he thinks that Jack will be here between 35 and 36 weeks. That's two weeks from now at the max. That's a little scary, but at least I have an idea about when things will happen. The Doc also answered my questions about if he would have to stay at the hospital after he was born. Basically, he said that usually depends on three things. Size, ability to eat, and breathing. He said his size is good for his age. As of the last growth ultra sound, he was just under 5lbs. So that is a huge part of it. He said babies that size usually can eat on their own, and regulate their temp. His big concern is his breathing, but that is why he gave me the betamethazone shots.

Today I had the strep B test, and an ultra sound, and a non stress test and some blood work. I basically live at the doctor's office. I go twice a week and at least have a non stress test. Hub has been able to go with me to my appointments, in case something scary happens. I'm really glad for that.

Jack is still moving like crazy, and he's got good fluid around him which is a big concern. So far he still looks really good. My blood pressure is still up. It was like 145/95 this morning. Which isn't the highest it has been, but it still sucks.

Saturday is our baby shower, and I'm looking forward to that. Hub's aunt has put alot of work in to the party. Hub's dad is flying in on Friday. Hub has a meeting and has been invited to a baseball game with the Admiral tomorrow. He's doing really good at work, and I'm really proud of him. The Admiral knows his name, that is a really big deal. So in a few minutes I'm going to iron his dress whites so he looks really good. My mom is flying in the beginning part of next week, to stay until after Jack gets here. I'm glad she's coming, and I'm glad I was able to put her off until we had a clearer picture of what was going on. Tomorrow, I am going to get my hair and pedicure done. Because I deserve it.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Hard to say.

I've been trying to write this post for about a week now. I wanted to get as many facts as I could first. I have preeclampsia and Jack will be born early. So far everything seems to be under control. I have twice weekly OB apts now and this week if you include my trip to the hospital on Sunday for really high BP I'll be going 4 times. Yesterday for an NST and a steroid shot for Jack's little lungs, today for an Ultrasound and a second shot for Jack's lungs, and Friday for another Non Stress test.

I'm scared out of my mind. I don't want to hurt Jack. I know the best place for him is right where he is for as long as possible. The OB wont give me a ballpark on when he thinks Jack might have to be born he just said prepare yourself for him to be early. All I know is I'm not ready yet. I'm only 32 and a half weeks. I want him to be big and strong enough not to have to stay in the hospital, but I think if hes born soon he would have be in the NICU a while. It breaks my heart knowing that my body is failing him, and I can't stop it.

So far every NST they have given me he looks great, all responsive and kicking the monitor thing like "get this the hell off me!" (No I really have no idea where he's already got so stubborn from.) Today I get to see him again. They are measuring how big he is, and how much fluid he has around him. I know he at least was head down, because I was getting his little feet under my scar that is at the top of my belly right under my rib cage.

I'm thinking of packing my hospital bag soon, as I have no idea when he will have to be born. That is the part that scares me the most, not any of the hundreds of things that could happen to me. But having to have him soon, and him not being ready for it. I stayed up half the night thinking and whispering to him that I know he is strong and that if the time comes and its still really soon like this I need him to fight.

This weekend Hub's aunt and uncle from way up north are coming to visit on Saturday and we are having a lunch on Sunday to finish up the plans for my baby shower that is next weekend, and I sorta wish no one were coming here. Because that means I'll have to clean and entertain them and I'm not much up to it at the moment. Maybe once the U/S shows that he is good and not in any danger soon I'll feel better, but not right now.

I'll let you all know what the OB says today.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

NH trip and Baby Shower # 1.

Okay I know we got back a week ago. It's been hard to write.

We left Mi, and drove across Canada. We got to stop in Niagara Falls on the way up and back, and we decided that when we go to my mom's at Christmas we are going to make that our first day stopping point. It was fun to think about pushing a stroller with our son in it around that city.

We got to my mom's and it was really great to be home. I miss it there, even though its not the home I left. The whole town changed, and the places that have always been there look old, compared to all the new stores and restaurants.

I had a really good time hanging out with my mom. I miss her already, and September can't come soon enough. Even though that means I wont be pregnant anymore. My mom is coming to see her grand baby be born. She is so excited.

My baby shower was great. More than I thought it would be. My great uncle came and sang the whole time. I had a great time seeing everybody. We got a lot of very nice and useful baby things. I think my mom bought out the baby department in every store around her. Jack wont need clothes till he is at least nine months old.

We also had family pictures done. My mom has been wanting to do it for a long time.

I've been working on finishing Jack's room. I hung all of his clothes up. I still need to wash them... but they aren't in the crib or laundry basket anymore. I'm 99% done with the mural on his wall. I just have the monkey to finish, and the sky to fix, and details to add in. Then his dresser can come in and I can paint his changer that goes on top of it. ( Its white right now... its going to be blue to match the water in the mural.) Once his dresser comes into the room, I can put all of the odds and ends in it, and have alot of much needed closet space back, to put diapers and things we might get at our 2nd shower, on 7-24. Right now stuff is piled everywhere, and its a big giant mess in there. I want that to be fixed before the 24th so I can just add to it, and not have to worry about it after. Hub needs to hang his name on the wall above the crib, I still need to trim off some of the excess paint that dripped off of them too. I need to get a couple of baskets for toys and small things. I also need to start cleaning out parts of the house for some of his other stuff. Who knew someone so small could have so much stuff. :)

**Also I just read that... and Nesting much... yeah I think its starting to kick in. lol

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Third Trimester.

How did this happen so quickly?! I swear I just saw that stick say PREGNANT yesterday. Now I have this amazing little guy growing and moving in my belly. I'm shopping for a baby shower dress, and starting to have a hard time bending and moving around. ( ie. Gee I thought I'd be able to fit through there... Guess not... ) I see my reflection in the mirror and I can't believe how big and round my belly is getting. This is going by too fast. I think maybe I'm crazy because I actually like being pregnant. I like it alot and wish I could slow it down. Yeah there's back pain and heart burn so bad that I want to use a fire extinguisher, but it doesn't matter, I love being pregnant. I love feeling Jack move around in there. Lately I can feel him petting my belly, opening and closing his little hand on my belly. It's pretty amazing. He bumps and kicks and wiggles, and I never want that to stop. At the same time though I can't wait to meet this little guy. He already stole my heart. I'm so happy that we made it here, and that Jack is growing and he is okay.

We went up north this weekend, and saw one of Hub's cousins graduate from high school. When we got home I caught Hub in the baby's room making a little outfit from his clothes. He was fussing over things, and that was the first time he let me see him do that. He had this reserved block (just short of letting himself show all of his emotions) just in case things didn't go so good. That block is gone now and it amazes he how happy he has been underneath that block. Not that he wasn't happy before, but now the wall came tumbling down. I think it's because if Jack was born right now he would survive. Hub let down his wall, and was in there looking through all of the little baby clothes I've been collecting. There is something so amazing looking at the father of your child with a tiny shirt in his hand. He is so in love with this baby too, and all I could do was hug him.

In the next month and a half there will be two baby showers. The first of which I am looking forward to alot. I get to go home and see my mom and family. I haven't been home in a long time, and I miss them. The other one will be a big one with Hub's side of the family. I can't believe how many people love this little guy already.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

26.. going on 27.

Yeah. I know. I've been a bad blogger. I haven't updated in a while and my comments have been lacking. Sorry... life is boring, and busy all at the same time.

Hub's grandfather died about a week ago. He hadn't seen him in about 8 years. Not because of any fight or anything like that. He had Alzheimer's and his children put him in a home that was too far away for anyone to visit, including Hub's grandmother. They were each other's second mar rage but were married for about 25 years. I know she missed him very much. He was part of the reason Hub joined the Navy. He fought during WWII. They gave him a military funeral, complete with a 21 gun salute. Jack jumped so hard I thought he was going to come out the front of my belly. Hub got to be part of the honor guard, and I know that he got some closure out of that. He also got to give the flag to his grandmother at the funeral. Hub was one of two of his grand kids who joined the Navy because of him.

On a happier note.

I am two weeks away from my first baby shower, and going home to see my Mom. I can't wait. Heck I would pack right now if I didn't need half the stuff I'd pack before then. I can't wait to see my Mom. I can't wait till she can feel Jack kick, and see how much he's grown. I wish she could be here to see it all happen, but she's going to be here to see him born and that means the world to me.

I' m still working on Jack's room. I've gotta get more paint to finish the mural, and paint the letters I got that spell his name. I spent about an hour organizing all the things in his closet to make room for the baby shower stuff. Not that we had got him a ton of stuff or anything, it was just all thrown in there and a mess. The diapers were taking up 2/3 of the whole closet, because they were stacked like jinga tiles. Plus I got to look at all his little clothes. I found a sample of diapers that we got when we did our registry. They are newborn size and I couldn't believe how tiny they are. They fit in the palm of my hand. It blows my mind.

Yesterday I discovered a growing puddle in our basement. It was huge! I couldn't get in there to see where it was coming from but I thought it was our hot water heater. Hub checked it out and sure enough it was the drain valve. He capped it last night. So hopefully that will fix it.

Jack kicks all the time, and it still makes my face light up every time. He gets the hiccups, sometimes very hard, and Hub got to feel him hiccup last night. Last night I was woken up because Jack launched himself off of my hip and it hurt like hell. I nearly screamed. Then I figured out that he was suddenly on the complete other side of my belly, and his back wasn't facing out for the first time all week, so this morning and all night I got to feel all the kicks that I had been feeling only faintly for a week. It made for a rough nights sleep, but it was worth it. I'll take baby kicks over sleep any day.

Oh well.. there's a mountain of things that I have to do today. Like all the things that require hot water, as I was scared to use it yesterday.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Birdgate 2010

George came out of the fireplace and dove at my head a few times. I gathered up a very stunned Buddy and shut him in the bedroom. I came back out and I couldn't find George. I stood frozen in my living room for a few minutes, until I saw him using one of our picture frames for a perch. I took a towel and shooed him off there and towards the open front door. He took off and landed behind the entertainment center. I tried to coax him out with some bread, but apparently bread is the sign that the human who's house you've invaded is trying to kill you, if you are a bird anyhow. He freaked out and he took off into my kitchen and landed behind the table. I tried the bread again and he flew out the front door.

So for now we are a bird free house.

On another note I have the cold from hell. My nose is all stuffed and itchy inside. I hope it goes away soon.

George update.

So we got home last night and we shut up all the other rooms in the house and moved the board out from in front of the fireplace. And NOTHING! No George. So we thought he went back up the way he came. But now I'm sitting in the living room and caw caw caw... flap flap... yup... George is still in there. *sigh* I'm starting to think George has made a nest in there somewhere... UGH! It's going to be another long day.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A bird in the fireplace....

Isn't better then two in the bush. AT ALL!

So right now I'm sitting in my living room with it trapped in the fireplace, because I'm not really sure how to get it to go back out side. I know its in there because of all the fluttering and caw! noises. It's going to be a long day until Hub gets home to put that bird back outside where it belongs...

Even though I don't want it in my house I've named him... yeah I think its a him... his name is George. Hopefully George goes back up the chimney where he came from.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Next visit in 2 weeks.

EEEP! How did this happen already?

I went to the OB today. Got some good news not only will I not have to redo the the glucose test, I don't have the diabetus! YAY! I was really worried about that. In fact the test came back normal... yeah normal... not really what I expected. But I'll take it. :)

I go back to the OB in two weeks, for just a little appointment. Then two weeks after that I get to have another U/S. Can't wait for that. I can't wait to see Jack's little face again. :)

I've been reading alot lately. I got a breast feeding book and Everything your child's first year book at the resale shop and I've had those books in my hand nearly every time I sit down.

I'm still working on the mural in the baby's room. I went out and got some better paint then the old stuff I had laying around. I hope to have it done this week.

I was in target today and I found a little bank in the cheap stuff section in the front of the store. It's a little crab and its so cute. They have a bunch of other shapes if anyone is interested. I think it was 2.50... not to bad.

Okay. This may be too much to ask but I'm pretty desperate. Every kind of undies I try roll down... like alot... like to my knees. Yeah not so fun. Has anyone had any luck finding ones that don't? Thanks in advance!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Week 23 and a Half.

I woke up this morning to a baby dance party in my belly. Sometimes I still can't believe that all this is happening to me. I can't believe that I am going to be a mom to a real live little boy in about 16 weeks.

I'm feeling really good. I'm not really having any issues lately. Just the occasional back ache. I am getting cravings really bad. All I want is D*airy*Q*uee*n and I really want a really nice steak with a wedge salad covered in blue cheese. ( So sad no blue cheese no blue cheese for me.)

We are working on getting the baby's room put together. I am painting a mural on his wall. I'll post pictures when it is done. Hub got a model ship and he put that together over the weekend. We bought the wooden letters to spell out his name. I still need to paint them. When I'm done painting his wall Hub and his friend will move the dresser into the room. I just walk by the open door and stare at his room that is starting to fill up with all of his little things.

This weekend Hub and I are going to go thrift store shopping and look for baby clothes and things. We have a few really good ones around here, and I've been able to find some nice things, including most of my maternity clothes.

Well I have to go do the laundry now... Yay fun... NOT... Hope everyone had a good weekend. : )

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Okay so I normally don't do this. I don't usually say much in matters like the one that I am about to comment on. But this has got to stop. I know this person doesn't read this but I need to scream and well, this is the only place I can do that. So if you don't want to read it I wont be mad... Heck I wouldn't even know it. :) But anyone who has any advice it would be appreciated.

So. My SIL is the laziest damn person in the whole freaking world! No, I'm not really exaggerating.

She's been out of work for months now, because she quit a perfectly good job, because they made her do work. Like * Gasp * answering the phone. Before that job, which she had for 2 months, she was out of work for almost two years because she got fired, for not working, and having a bad attitude. Those are the only two jobs she's ever had.

I wouldn't have any issues with her if she sat there and failed quietly all alone but she's not. She expects her family to hand her things like gas money, car payments, cell phone bills, and tickets to events. Among other things. She's 21 years old for god sake. Not 16 or something. Lately all Hub and I hear from MIL is about her mooching and not caring about it. That she lives scott free and plans to continue to do so. And how its affecting her, she works hard, and is broke, because of SIL.

She thinks she's fooling people when she claims that she goes out everyday looking for work. She doesn't she spends her whole day playing asinine games on F*ace*bo*ok. Then she has the nerve to LIE about it, when its up on there that every 1/2 hour of the day she was playing some game.

Really like I said it wouldn't bother me so much if she didn't keep trying to drag us into it. She keeps saying to other people that she can move in here and take care of Jack and I can go back to work. ( NOT happening ) Then all in the same breath she tells people that we expect to get allot at our baby shower, and that wow our registry is really long.( There is nothing on there that we wouldn't buy ourselves and plan on buying, since we know times are tough. Besides, we don't expect anything from anyone. And its not long at all.) Then she has the nerve to ask us for gas money, for her phony pursuit of a job. She only wants gas so she can go to her cult like church, full of people that tell her its okay to mooch off her family. That "church" is all she has time for. Not helping her mom, or looking for a job, or looking for some classes to take. Nothing but that "church" matters to her. ( Its a, welcome, now drink this Koolaide kind of place. The sort where it doesn't matter if your an axe murderer Monday thru Saturday. As long as you show up on Sunday, and for all the meetings and such.)

She has delusions that she can come live with Hub and I if things go south at her mom's. ( which they quickly are ) HA! At the moment, I'd stop her at the door and tell her there is a shelter around here some where or she can sleep in her car, but she can't stay here. We aren't alone in this she has alienated a good 90% of the family.

She picked a fight with Hub because he told her the grocery store was hiring. Now she's on a war path and I'm pissed! She posted on FB that all my husband does is procrastinate to her. First of all that makes no sense. Second of all, if she meant he procrastinates, that is not true at all. My husband is the guy who goes out and gets it if he wants it and knocks down everything in his way. It's because of that man's hard work that we have a roof over our heads and I am very thankful for it.
It's sad that she has to say hateful things to people because they care about her and want good things for her, and were trying to help her get them.

This is what I want so badly to say to her:
SIT THERE AND FAIL QUIETLY! Or do something to change your situation. Do not whine to people about how awful it is to be you, or how bad it is to be broke. Not when you don't pay your own bills ( by choice. Make no mistake she chooses to not work and create a ass shaped dent in the couch) Also do not compare the fact that I stay home to what your doing. I cook. I clean. I run my house. those are all foreign concepts to her. Also I'm growing a person that very soon I will be taking care of.

I don't get how someone could be okay with leeching on to someone else and not giving anything but grief and attitude back. I get that people need help every once in a while, but that's not the case here. She gets pissed off when things aren't handed to her. I look at her and I look at Hub and I can't see how they are even related. I know it makes him sad because he is so driven and hard working and he has to watch his sister demand the world on a silver tray, and expect to be handed it. I know it bothers him that now that things have stopped going her way, and people aren't so giving towards her, she is lashing out at us, and everyone else. But at the same time expecting things from us. Unrealistic things at that. I wish she would grow up and stop being such a narcissistic sociopath. Most of all I wish she would stop hurting the people around her, or at least care that she is. I'm out of ideas, and right now I don't even want to see her, because my mom taught me that if I didn't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Right now I'm all out of nice.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Award! :)


Minta tagged me to do this, so I am. Because it's way better than doing the mountain of laundry downstairs!

So, the rules (and there are ALWAYS rules!) : I have to say 10 things about myself then give this award to 10 fellow bloggers. Here we go.
I'll try my best, but I don't think I have 10. :(

10 Things About Me:

1. As I type this My pointer finger is throbbing, because I am a giant klutz and slammed it in the door. ( I do that stuff all the time!)
2. I talk to my dog like he has the ability to talk back.
3. I try to make everyone laugh, even though I'm not that funny.
4. We have 3 broken windows in our house, and I'm pretty sure the landlord isn't going to fix them like he said he would, when we moved in.
5. I just found a lilac bush in my yard and I did a happy dance.
6. The night we put up Jack's crib, Hub found a leak in the roof in his room.
7. I need to go to the store because we have no lunch stuff in the house.
8. I still miss my grandparents everyday. They've both been dead for at least 5 years.
9. I dropped out of art school because I was bored, and the people weirded me out.
10. We are planting a huge garden this year. ( If the seeds grow into plants.)

Ok, so onto the blogs!

Pregnant in NYC


And anyone else that is still reading this. :)

Monday, April 26, 2010


This was a big weekend. Jack kicked his Daddy for the very first time. Hub had felt him roll before but this time he put his hand on my belly and WHAP! Jack kicked him. Then Whap! he did it again just so there was no doubt it was him and he meant business. We just laughed, and for the rest of the day all I could think was, Wow! Jack is big enough to kick someone else too.

On Friday night we did our baby registry. It was fun going through and picking out things for our baby. For the first time I felt like I belonged in Ba*bie*s R U*s, and in the baby section in Tar*get. Which is sort of silly, because I've been buying diapers and things like that for a couple of months now. I still have to go back and edit them online since Hub went overboard and scanned every blue thing he could find but its pretty much done.

On Saturday his crib came in. We weren't really expecting it for at least another month, but there it was so we went to pick it up. It is beautiful, even more so then the picture in the catalog. We had to take it out of the box to fit it in our SUV, so when we got it home Hub put it up. I didn't think we would be doing that so soon either, but we did. I was holding one of the sides steady, and I just broke out crying. Hub asked me what was wrong and I told him that I thought we would never get to do that. I honestly thought I would never be a Mom, no matter how badly I wanted it. Now everyday I feel my little baby Jack kick and wiggle and snuggle in there, and I can't believe how lucky I am to be here. I tell him every day that he is my little miracle, and no baby any where in the world has ever been loved or wanted more.

Right now I'm stuck on the couch because my hip and lower back are killing me and it hurts to walk. I think I slept wrong or maybe things are just stretching out. Either way it hurts! So after this I think I'm going to go try and soak in the tub and maybe take some Tylenol. Hope everyone had a good week end.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

GD. Or Not GD?

So I had my one hour glucose test today. I was nervous about it. (still am) I was told not to fast so I got up and before I remembered what I was doing today, I ate toast. Yeah... I know. Way to go with the carb loaded breakfast. I got there sat for half an hour got called up to the desk and asked why I was there. I told them and walked back to my seat wondering how on earth they didn't know because I had to make an apointment for this. Then the lab tech came out and I got to drink that sugar junk in the waiting room, while 3 small kids begged their parrents for some too. Then I sat. For what felt like forever. I looked at my phone and realised that I had been sitting there for close to an hour and a half. So my one hour test had quickly become two. The lab girl came back out shortly after that and called me back. She stuck me and fished around twice and only managed to get a small drop of blood. Not even enough to fill the tip of the vial. She consulted about 5 people and they had mixed reactions, my favorite being " Why wont she bleed more?" Like I had anything to do with it. I hope they got enough. But I'm pretty sure I'll have to do it agian, either that or I failed royally. *sigh*

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

It' a ....

BOY! :)

We had our ultrasound yesterday. Everything looked good, but Jackson is measuring 5 days behind. I'm not to concerned about it as I have no idea when I actually ovulated. The Dr. didn't change my due date though. He's going to do another ultrasound at either 26 or 28 weeks. I also have to go in on Wednesday for a glucose test. I hope I don't have the diabetus. Most everything else in this pregnancy has been pretty smooth sailing.

After my scan I went out for lunch with my MIL. She finally seemed happy about this baby. We talked about getting a rocking chair ( That's what she wants to get for the baby.) She seemed pretty happy. I'm hoping all the weirdness has been because it didn't really feel real to her, now I think since she's seen the baby it will be I hope.

Then I went shopping. I bought Jack a few really cute boy outfits, and I even found me two more tops that were 2 dollars each. I think sometime this weekend we are going to go register because Hub is itching to go pick out something cute for his little guy.

Being half way now is a really cool feeling. I can feel where Jack is in my belly, and he's starting to kick very hard. My belly is getting bigger by the day, and its very hard. I don't know why, but that really surprises me. I've gained about 7 pounds and I think its all in my belly. I can barely see my toes. The ultrasound tech broke out laughing because he kept kicking the ultrasound wand, and for awhile wouldn't stop moving. I want hub to feel a real hard kick, but they happen so fast that by the time he gets his hand on my belly Jack stops. He got to feel him rolling around in there but no kicks yet.

Well I've got to go and get started on my day. I have tons to do. Hope everyone is having a good week.

Monday, April 12, 2010

It's Monday. Time for some procrastination!

So I'm in the middle of cleaning up the mess that the weekend created, and I needed a break.

It was another busy weekend. We fixed up the yard more. There's grass seed now and soon there wont be dirt everywhere! The back yard was one big bald spot. I've been trying to water it with out causing too many mud puddles.

Ive still got loads of laundry to do, I need to clean the kitchen, and I need to mop up all the mud Hub and Buddy tracked in. There's foot prints everywhere. Right now though all I want to do is sit here and feel the baby move. I can't believe that next week we will know if the baby is and Isabella or a Jackson. :) I can't wait.

Well I'd better get moving. I've got lots to do. And I'm hungry... again.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

19 weeks.

Okay almost, but I really wanted to write an update. :)

Things we have for baby:

2 boxes of diapers

Some soap and toiletry stuff

a couple of blankets

a sleeper

one onesie

a few toys

An Exersaucer

Crib is ordered and should be here in about 2 months. Here is a pic of the one we ordered. Hub's dad bought it for us. I was very surprised and thankful. ( It came from direct buy, Hub's aunt S has a membership. )

I'm itching to start getting more things but I will wait to get more stuff until after the 19th, when we have our ultrasound and find out if this little person is a boy or a girl.

So far this week I haven't been very hungry, but at the same time I'm starving. I know that sounds weird. Nothing tastes good, NOTHING!! I get full after just a few bites, I think because what I am eating doesn't taste good.

My feet swelled a little bit a couple of times last week. One day Hub and I were working in the yard. I kept having to sit down because I was really hot and I noticed my feet were puffy. Then it did it again on Easter. We went to Hub's Great Uncle's house and ate too much food, and got fussed over because of the baby. It was a nice day.

I'm feeling the baby move more and more. It's not just swishes now, sometimes I feel real kicks. Hub got to feel it a couple of times too, but the baby likes to stop moving when he puts his hand on my belly.

Yesterday morning Buddy jumped up in bed with me and put his head on my belly ( his new favorite pillow) and fell asleep and started snoring. The baby went nuts in there kicking and punching and wiggling all around. Buddy must have felt it because he woke up and looked at me then put his head back very softly. It was pretty cool.
They are bonding.

It's been a hard week but things around here are starting to slowly feel normal again.

Hope everyone had a good Easter.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

A sad day.

Today I lost my best friend. Ty my dog got out and ran down the road and got hit but a car. I got him at a time when I was all alone and couldn't bear the thought of staying that way. I had just lost my frist baby and Hub was being deployed. That min pin was the only friend I had within a thousand miles. I cried as I held him and my heart started to heal. He was a pathetic little thing with infected ears, where the breeder had cropped them. I nursed him back to help and he healed my heart. For the past five and a half years he kept me company when Hub went underway. He was a circus miget. He lived to make his people smile. and He will be greatly missed.

Rest in peace my baby dog. I love you, and always will.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Sleep.... Who needs that?

I do! For the second night in a row I was awake from 2:30ish am until about 5am then I woke up for good at 7:30 am. Yesterday it didn't affect me much but I'm very tired today. Yesterday I cleaned and scrubbed half the house, and vowed to do the other half today. All I've managed to get done is collecting up all the dishes and cups from around the house, and put the laundry in the drier.

I'm sitting on the couch feeling the baby dance all around right now. He / She really likes when I eat, afterwards the baby dances all around.

After the craziness of last week things this week have been really good. The baby moves alot when I'm relaxing. My mom and Hub's Aunt S ( with help from his mom) are both throwing us showers. My mom is throwing us one in June at home in NH, and I'm not sure when Aunt S will have that one. I am amazed and happy how many people already love little baby S and I tell him/her so every day.

My next OB appointment is on Monday, I hope everything goes well and the doc is over what ever his issues were. I want to know when the big ultra sound will be I want to know if baby S is a boy or a girl. Not that it matters either way we will be thrilled. I just want to know so I can plan and buy things and register, and not have to call the baby wiggle worm, monkey, seed, or it anymore.

We bought a Doppler and it came in the mail yesterday. I played with it and found the baby and my mom got to hear the baby's heartbeat yesterday. It was really quiet though. Turns out I was thinking the baby was lower then in it is. This morning when I woke up I tried it and it worked great. ( full bladder.) Hub recorded the heartbeat on his phone. While we were listening to the thump thump, Hub talked to the baby. The baby's heart rate went up every time he did. It was pretty cool. I'm quickly running out of the gel stuff though because they only sent a sample size tube of it. So if anyone knows where I can get more or if I could use something else I would love to know.

Oh well I'm going to try and get the dishes done before Hub gets home. Then maybe I'll take a nap.

Also I finally scaned the ultrasound I had 4 weeks ago. Here it is. : )

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The Hopital.

Let me start by saying everything turned out fine.

We had an interesting Friday night. Hub came home and I was making dinner, and I had to pee for the 37th time that day. I wiped and there was blood. The room started to spin. Wipe again... more blood. Not like gushing out but enough to scare me, and make me think I was having a heart attack. Hub and I got in the car and went to the hospital. I didn't think of calling the OB's office, it was 6:30 on a Friday, and I wasn't about to play phone tag with an answering service.

We got to the hospital, and I went to check in at the ER, and they sent me up to labor and delivery in a wheel chair. I looked at Hub in the elevator and he had tears in his eyes. My brain was frozen on the fact that this couldn't happen again, I could not do it. They put me in a bed.

I was okay until I got in the room and saw the little bassinet sitting there. I lost it. I sat there on the bed and sobbed and Hub brought tissues. We sat for a minute until I realized we didn't know anything yet, and I had to calm down for the baby.

The nurse came in and tried the doppler that the monitor had on it and got the baby's heartbeat for about half a second. She left and brought back the better doppler and the OB on call came in with the ultrasound machine. The nurse got the baby's heartbeat with the better doppler, and I think that's when my heart started beating again. The OB did a quick ultrasound ( no print outs... :( ) and baby was looking fine, wiggling all around, and my placenta was up away from my cervix. So I could breath.

They examined me and couldn't find where the blood had come from. They also didn't see anymore bleeding. I was pretty relieved, but I'm still wondering where it may have come from.

We came home and caught our breath, and had a really slow weekend. I went to Hub's cousin's baby shower. It was fun, mostly I just sat. Then on Monday I called the OB for a follow up. He basically tried to make me feel guilty for going to the hospital. He told me he was there on Saturday night. I don't think he was, because they called him, and he didn't come in. It's a small hospital. I really think it was a case of upsetting the almighty doctor. Oh well I did what I thought was right. At my first appointment they told me any bleeding or emergency, go to the hospital. Oh well I hope he gets over it by my next appointment, but if not there are plenty of other OB's out there.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Catch up.

It's been an other busy week here. Spring has finally came! YAY! so I've been trying to spend as much time outside as I can taking the dogs for walks, and cleaning things on the back porch. Also spring cleaning has started here. Soon I will plant flowers in the planters out front ( note to self... buy dirt...).

Yesterday I went out and got some more maturnity clothes. I had a wardrobe malfunction while grocery shopping on Monday. Lets just say my belly pushed down my last pair of fitting pants and kept spronging up my shirt, so I really cant wear those any more. I went to some area thrift stores in search of cute clothes and I found a fairly new exersaucer for $4! So I bought that after checking in my handy phone to see if it had been recalled. That was the first "big" baby purchase we've made. I spent yesterday afternoon taking it apart and cleaning everything and washing the maturnity clothes I had found. It was a pretty satisfing day.

In other baby S news. I felt him/her move!!! I've been feeling something there for about a week and a half, but I thought I was crazy so I wrote it off as gas. Then last night I was on the couch with Hub watching L*ost and the baby rolled around for about 10 minutes and I felt it jab me too. I don't think I can deny that those "gas bubbles" are the baby after that. It was so amazing. I have spent most of this morning trying to make him/her move agian. No luck though.

I am making a blanket for the baby. I hope when its done it will look like this . I have almost got the yellow part done, and so far I'm happy to say that even with my minimal crocheting skills it looks like a star! I'll post a pic when I am done with it.

Also I promise to scan my last ultra sound photo soon. It's just that by the time I get everything else done I'm so tired and the couch swallows me whole. So I just sit and stare at it across the room on the entertainment center.

Hope everyone is having a good week! Happy Spring!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Tales from a good but long week.


It all started last Monday, when I had my OB apt. I met the Dr finally, he is awesome! We sat and talked and I finally got my questions answered. Then we went into an exam room to hear the baby's heart. He tried for the longest five minutes of my life to find it and couldn't. So he kicked the people out of the ultra sound room and in less then three seconds I was on the table, and I couldn't see the screen. I think I might have turned gray. Hub was standing there and the first words out of his mouth were, "Can you print that out?" So I knew everything must have been okay. I wiggled and found a position that I could see the screen in. The baby was jumping around too much to get a good reading with the Doppler. After I saw our little person jumping and wiggling and kicking all over the place, my heart started beating again. We have a little wiggle worm on our hands. Everything with the baby looks great. ( I'll put up the new ultrasound when I scan it.)

This last week was so busy, I hardly sat. I bought a gift for the first baby shower that I will go to since the IF started. I'm excited. It is very hard buying a gift for someone who you've only met once. ( It's one of Hub's cousins.) They didn't have a great registry. There were tons of toys and DVD's and pretty much nothing that was going to be of any use to them at all. So I got them a diaper bag and filled it with a bunch of supplies and cute onesies. It got me thinking that soon enough Hub and I will have to do our registry, and I hope we do a better job of it then they did. I also bought a gift for our baby. I couldn't help it. I got it a submarine tub toy. I had to get it because hub is a submariner, and it might have be the cutest baby toy I've ever seen.

I had a lot to do around the house. I think because being here all day looking at it has made me notice all the little things that I normally wouldn't see. So I spent much of the week doing that stuff. I'm itching to start spring cleaning and clean out the closets, and get rid of all the useless junk we have collected. I really need to clean out my closet and the closet that is in the baby's room.

Then Saturday we finally got a glimpse of spring. It was almost 50 degrees, and sunny. Hub got us tickets to see Alice in Wonderland. It was great! Then we came home and took the dogs for a really long walk. There is a park full of trails near our house. It goes along a river through the woods and all the trails are paved. It was nice to get some fresh air and the dogs really loved it too. I can't wait till we can do that more often.

Yesterday we made plans for sprucing up the out side of our house and planting flowers and a veggie garden. I love spring, and can't wait until spring and its beautiful weather is here to stay. Also, yesterday our laptop crashed. Hub spent the day redoing it so I've lost all my book marks. Please leave a comment so I can find you all again!

Well I should go clean up and get ready to go get some groceries.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Thanks Friends!

For putting up with and answering all my questions. : )

I was leaning toward not getting the optional tests, I just didn't want to do the wrong thing. Thanks for all of your answers. No matter what the results said we wouldn't do anything to end our very wanted pregnancy. So those tests wouldn't change anything for us either. I just didn't know if they really were something we should be doing, and since I have yet to talk to the Dr, I haven't really gotten any of my questions answered. Hopefully that will change on Monday, or I might just have to look for another OB.

Thank you all for being so helpful and supportive!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Prenatal testing.

The more I read the more confused I get!

The doctor's office sent me home with a sheet full of optional tests they offer, to decide if I want them, and a head full of questions about them and no one to answer them for me until next Monday. I have no idea how to choose. On the one hand I want to do everything in my power to make sure things are going good in there. On the other hand, I don't want un-needed testing.

Right now I'm trying to decide if the First Screening is a good idea, or if I need it. The deadline is drawing close to have this test and I can't seem to find any information that tells me if I need it. Did anyone else have it? If so, and its not to much to ask what made you decide to have it?

I want to have another ultrasound soon, I know most offices do one around 12 weeks (I'll be just over 13 at my next apt.) but the nurse didn't say anything about me having one then. She wasn't very helpful at all and I didn't get to ask any questions. So now I'm left wondering and waiting till Monday I guess. I sort of miss my Re's office, they always let me know what was going on, and answered my questions at least. *Sigh*

Bloggy stuff I should probably know... but I don't.

I have a couple of questions, and if anyone knows the answers that would be cool.

How do I know how many people look at my blog? I know how to see followers but I sorta want to know if there are other people you know?

Also, I've seen a few people refer to things people have searched and found their blog. I think it would be neat to know that, so how do I find that?


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

11 weeks and counting.

I had my first OB appointment today. I only saw the nurse. Hub and I were hoping to hear the baby's heartbeat, but all we got to do was answer about a million medical history questions, oh and I got my blood drawn. I was a little disappointed. I go back on the 1st and I actually get to see the doctor.

Things in pregnancy land are pretty much the same, with the exception of one new symptom. I get dizzy if I stand up too quickly. I'm sorta used to that though it happened alot in high school, because I'm so tall it takes a while for the blood to reach my brain... sorta like a giraffe. lol.

We managed to make our insanely high heat bill go down by 100 dollars. YAY! we put up plastic on most of our windows and hub used spray insulation on a few places, and he made a door like thing to keep the draft from coming out the chimney when we aren't using it. I was so happy that I screamed a little when I saw it.

Hub and I had a really nice Valentines day. We went about half an hour away to a big mall so I could have Chinese food for lunch. Then we walked around the mall, which was cool because it was mostly outlets, and I got to look at really cute baby things, and I got new shoes because mine were falling apart. Then we came back here and went out for Lebanese food for dinner. It was great. Hub got me an orchid plant and beautiful roses and a card that made me cry. He made me feel really special. It was nice because we have missed alot of valentines day's because Hub was underway.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I got an appointment!

It's next Tuesday. I'm excited and nervous. I know everything is okay, I don't know how I just know. I can feel my swollen uterus, every time I bend or shift I can feel it. It is a weird feeling that I am very glad to have.

It's been snowing here on and off since yesterday, I think we have about 6ish inches. I don't know for sure, because I haven't really been outside.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I called the insurance company about my referral to an OB. They never received one. So I called my doctors office and the girl who does referrals had the day off. So now I have to wait until tomorrow. I swear this should not be so hard. Why can't they send a referral right? At this rate I might be 12 weeks before I get to see the OB this is not ok with me at all. *sigh* I just want a doctor to poke at Baby S and tell me everything is fine. I know it most likely is, as my tummy is starting to poke out and I haven't had any signs that something is wrong but still I want the care I need and deserve.

Friday, February 5, 2010

10 Weeks and Counting.

Today my baby is a fetus, according to the baby book. I am so amazed that I made it here.

This week most of my symptoms have been here so long that I hardly notice them anymore. I'm really lucky, because I haven't been very sick at all, mostly just tired. I still have only gotten sick a couple of times, and it is always because I smell something awful, like the garbage can.

The constipation is getting a little better. I have no idea why that is. But I am very thankful for it.

I woke up this morning to Hub holding me and rubbing my belly, that's just starting to poke out. He kisses and talks to my belly. He's so happy. I feel so loved.

I need to start taking belly pictures. I want to have that to look back at later.

On another note, I went to work this morning and was told my services were no longer needed. I don't don't know why, I didn't do anything to deserve being fired, but I was. And you know what... I don't really care. I had decided to stop looking for a job because we found out I am pregnant, and this job called me that morning. We are fortunate enough not to need the money, because hub has a good job. But, I took it thinking it would be something I could do so I wouldn't be bored home alone all day. It was the most boring job I have ever had, and most of the people there were not good people, and were honestly pretty ignorant (the owner included.) Not a good quality in an accountant if you ask me. I was honestly counting the days till tax season was over so I could just be done with the job. So I will be taking care of the house and the dogs and the baby and Hub and me. I couldn't be happier about that. I just hope they don't hire someone else that really needs the job, and fire them 3 weeks later, because I get the impression that is what they do. The other receptionist constantly told me about people they fired, including one they fired for putting the toilet paper on backwards. (no I'm not kidding...) I hope they don't do that to someone who needs the job and has been out of work like a lot of people are here.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Baby S.

The Ultrasound tech assured us that the heart beat was very strong, but I was so floored seeing that perfect little flicker and how much bigger the baby got that I forgot to ask how many beats per minute it was. I am so unbelievably happy its insane. Hub and I had been so worried about this little person that I felt like I couldn't breath. Then magically everything was okay. I go to my primary care doctor on Monday to get a referral to an OBGYN. This weekend I will be checking them all out.

It was all okay

My worrying was for nothing. The baby has a heart beat!!!! Picture to come tonight.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

14 hours....

Till I get to know what's going on with the baby. I'm nervous, and excited all at once....

Thursday, January 21, 2010

one week

Asking a pregnant person to wait for two weeks to see what is going on in her uterus is insane. Just so you know...

I am in the middle of yet another kind of two week wait. ( Just when I thought I was done with those.) Next Thursday I get to see inside and check up on the baby(s). I can't wait. I've moved right into the nervous worried side of things. I keep worrying that I've lost the baby(s) and I don't even know. I know that is an insane thought, because these days water gives me heartburn, and I almost throw up when I use q tips in the morning, also I cant stay awake past 8 pm to save my life. I just want that reassurance you know? Also I would like to know if squiggly bubble number 2 (@ about 5 o'clock in the photo) is a baby... or not. And if not what is it? I sorta wish that there was a porthole in my belly so I could see in side.

Warning TMI....

My work pants are getting really tight. I mean uncomfortable it sit in all day. I got myself a belly band last week and I might actually have to start using it. I think my pants aren't fitting because I am so constipated. I may just have to call the Dr and ask what I can do to fix it. Ive tried everything that I can think of from more fruit to force feeding myself water. Nothing is working, and it hasn't been for about 2 1/2 weeks. Anyone one know what I should try? Anything work for any of you?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Picture!

because I have the best Hub in the whole wide world, he called and told them we didn't get a copy of the ultrasound photo. They taped it to the door because they were closing just so we could get it.

Here it is.

The ultrasound

I had my first ultrasound today. They saw one sac with a yolk sac in it and one that was a little smaller and hard to see. So there is a possibility of twins. I will know for sure in two weeks when they repeat the ultrasound. They think I am not as far along as previously thought, that I ovulated about a week later, so there was no heartbeats to see just yet. The doctor said it looked perfectly normal for someone who had ovulated a week or so later then they thought I did... so maybe in two weeks I might have to add a baby to that bubble on my sidebar... eeeeep! I would put up the ultrasound photos but the doctor kept them. I am going to ask for them the next time because I really want them.

Monday, January 11, 2010

On Saturday I had another Beta HCG done, and it came back great! They were expecting it to be somewhere around 1100. It was 1715. I didn't breath till I heard back from the RE's office. I had a fear that it wasn't going to double. But it did and I can't be happier.

On top of the sleepiness Ive been having I got a few new symptoms this week. I wake up about 3 times a night to pee. I don't think I've ever gone this much in my whole life. I also woke up in the middle of the night, the other night STARVING! that's never happened before either. I find I'm actually really hungry every couple of hours, and I'm trying my best to only eat good food. I've had my first bouts of queasiness but so far it hasn't been really bad, and I haven't thrown up. I get light headed sometimes. The smell of coffee or cooking eggs ( my choice of breakfast last week... the eggs... not coffee...) reminds me of rotting flesh and I can't get away form them fast enough.

It really is bazaar to think a tiny human being is growing inside of me. I never thought I'd have this chance. What's even more strange is the love I already have for this baby. I can't wait until it moves, and grows big enough to tell I'm pregnant if you don't know me. For the first time in a long time I am hopeful about the future.

We get to see the baby via ultrasound Thursday morning. I can't wait.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Thank you!

Thank you all for leaving such kind words. I was really worried about hurting you guys. I know how hard it is to see that someone made it while your out there struggling.

My Beta results came back, they are 284. That's good. My Re's office sees anything over 100 as being pregnant. I have to go back on Saturday to repeat the test and make sure my numbers are going up as they should. The doctor called in a prescription for progesterone suppositories for me, and prenatal vitamins. They also told me to get some baby aspirin. So I will go get that in about an hour, so the pharmacy has a chance to fill the prescriptions.

Thanks so much for your support. This has been a very long road, and all of you will get to this bend one day too. Hang in there.

Monday, January 4, 2010


Remember that last post I wrote about my uterus not cooperating with me. Turns out it was working overtime. I'm pregnant! I really thought I would never be able to write those words. I can't believe that I saw two pink lines. I didn't think I was at all, I was just taking a test to confirm for myself that it would be safe to start my cycle with meds. When the dollar store test came up with a second line I had to go out and buy more expensive tests. After taking 4 I'm starting to let myself believe it, a little. I'll feel better when I see what the Beta is.

I can't believe that my body did this on its own without meds, like the ones that are in my fridge right now. I go to the RE tomorrow for blood work, and I hope an Ultra sound, because I want to see whats going on and since I'm on cycle day 40 I don't know how far along I am. I want so badly for this to be better then last time.

I don't really feel pregnant at all. I'm just really sleepy, and my breasts hurt. But then again that usually happens before AF.