Thursday, February 9, 2012

It's been seven years.

Dear Katie,

Seven years ago my heart stopped beating, but the world kept moving. You were there growing under my heart, and then you weren't. I am forever broken.

I sat there on the beach that day staring out to sea. Trying to will your little spirit to where ever your daddy was. Hoping for a minute you could be with him too. I sat in the cold sand numb, and trying hard not to fall apart. I remember letting the cold grains of sand run through my fingers just so I could focus on something other then the crushing emptiness inside of me. I left a big part of myself right there. A part that I will never get back.

You would be seven this year. You would be in first grade, all happy and pink and obsessed with Barbie like I was. You would have lived in six different houses, in six different towns. You have a little brother, who has no idea that he is your little brother. I watch him play and wonder if you would have looked like him. If you would have had blonde hair and blue eyes too.

Seven years later I still miss you. My heart is still breaking. A little less than it used to but this time of year my heart shatters all over again. I'm writing this to you so you know you’re missed, and loved.

I will always love you my baby.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in.

1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal. (BMI info from this website)
I didn't lose anything thing this week. I think maybe AF is around the corner. ( With PCOS you never really know.)

Starting BMI: 30.8
Starting weight: 227

Last Week’s Weight: 227
Current Weight:224
Goal Weight : 190

Last Week’s BMI: 30.8
Current BMI:30
Goal BMI: 25

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals.

I'm still going to use the lose it app to track my calories.

Last week I felt kinda bad when I ran, so I think for a while I'm going to lay off running, and do some work out dvds to build myself up to a point that I can run more easily.

I'm still going to drink more water. Some days I did really good. Others the Crystal lite and Diet Pepsi called to me a little too loudly.

Bloggers I follow that are participating:
If you want to join in just leave me a comment, so I can follow your progress too!

The Donor Diva is TTC #2

If you’re doing it too please leave a comment. I wasn't able to get to most of your blogs. I had an issue with the comments. But I think it is fixed now.