Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Keep running runnin....

So, it's Wednesday, and I decided to kick up my work out to week two. It wasn't too bad. I got some cramps in my legs and ummmmm... yeah ... I fell off the tread mill at the end. NEVER... and I mean NEVER ever push your self to sprint at 2 miles an hour above what you've been running at. It was all fine till the last 30 seconds of my 90 seconds of running. I dug deep to push my self I closed my eyes misstepped and went flying into the wall. I'm okay. I just thought I would share in case someone else out there decides that if the biggest loser people can do so can I. So yeah I will probably do week tow again tomorrow after work.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Today I was sitting on my patio after work, reading my book, and just generally enjoying this beautiful day. I had the radio on and this song came on the radio.

Go listen.


I don't really like Miley Cyrus. I never have I think she is just a kid cashing in on her dad's fame and brain washing kids. BUT, this song really speaks to what I'm going through. What most of us are for that matter.

The songs starts; "I can almost see it. That dream I’m dreaming, but There’s a voice inside my head sayin, You’ll never reach it." Is it just me, or do all us infertiles have this mechanism in their brain? I think it is so hard to go through IF treatments and keep an open mind and heart. I know I have shut my heart down and put up walls. Mostly to protect myself from hurting more. If not the frillion pregnant women and new babies that seem to be every where I go would really hurt. I think its like having a huge terrible scar, only worse because no one can see it but you can feel it. Really after a while I think as a defense you develop this kill switch to stop getting your hopes up, because if they don't go up they can't come crashing down.

The song goes on to say; "The struggles I’m facing. The chances I’m taking, sometimes might knock me down but, no I’m not breaking. I may not know it, but these are the moments that I’m gonna remember most. Just gotta keep going, I gotta be strong, just keep pushing on." I think all of us have this inside us too. We have to have this because if not we would all crawl under the nearest rock and stay there. We have to have this endurance. Somehow, we dig down deep cycle after cycle and finding a place where there is a little strength and hope left and wringing it out and squeezing every last drop. We IFer's are a tight knit group, we give each other strength, and hope and the all important pep talk to carry on. We lift each other up. I've seen this in all of my new ICLW friends. This past week I was overwhelmed by all the supportive and friendly comments I received. (thanks guys!)

In the chorus of the song there is a line that says; "Always gonna be an up-hill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there." We have all lost. There is really no one on this path that makes it to the end on the first try. We all get a world of emotion wrapped up in this and we all get to see the, I'm so sorry look, at one time or another. We will all get to the end one way or another, and you know what? I don't think it matters how long it takes. At the end of this path there is a baby for all of us. It may not be the way we thought it would, but none the less its there. That elusive family we dreamed of is waiting and it really wont matter how long it takes. When we get there it'll be worth it. I've never heard anyone say, " Gee, you know what? This baby really wasn't worth all of those tears and needles and what ever else." It just don't happen.

This song REALLY spoke to me and it reminded me that yeah IF sucks! but there is light at the end.

Also I'd really like to thank all my new readers and friends. :) You guys rock. Mel, you rock too, your so smart! Thank you so much for starting ICLW.

Monday, April 27, 2009


This morning I got on the scale and I lost 3 pounds! That brings me to 210. I'm so glad I broke that holding pattern I was in, and now I'm back to seeing the scale move the right way. Earlier this week I came up with a really good reward. For every pound I loose I'm going to put $5 dollars in a jar. That way when I reach my goal I can buy some nice new smaller clothes. I also think that is a great motivation. This week I owe my jar $15.

I'm going to start this week off on week 1 of the couch to 10k then I might bump up to week 2. I kinda excited about that. Week two is 90 seconds of running and 2 minutes of walking. I might start that on Wednesday.

Goals this week: I want to loose 2 more pounds. I want to be on week 2 of the couch to 10k. I also want to do more strength training on days that I don't run.

Yesterday I got myself some much needed new running shoes. And I got a really awesome deal. They were originally $80, they were marked down to $60 with 30% off of that. And I had 2, $10 reward checks. For people like me who hated word problems in school I paid $16 for new running shoes!

Well I'm going to go eat lunch cause I'm really hungry, and then I'm going to test out the new shoes.

** Edit**

Okay, so I thought I would edit this post because I wasn't really firing on all cylinders when I wrote this, this morning. I've lost 25 pounds since I started this weight loss thing. I remember when I first started out and I had lost 6 pounds. I was so happy because I had lost the weight of my dog TY. (He's a really small Min Pin) Now I've officially lost a Buddy. Maybe that’s a strange way to look at it but I was carrying around a whole medium sized dog. That, to me is crazy.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Okay I saw a few people with this and I really liked it so I borrowed it. :)

A is for a place to put down all my thoughts. (this blog)

B is for books. I love to read.

C is for catctus. I grew one from a clipping that is now two feet tall.

D is for Diane. My mom and my best friend.

E is for everytime I've thought I'd quit, and didn't.

F is for fuzzy kids. I have two, Buddy and Ty.

G is for grand parrents. They helped make me who I am today.

H is for home, and home is where the Navy orders us.

I is for ice cream. Nuff said.

J is for Jenn... that's me.

K is for Katie. She would have been 3.

L is for love. It makes my world go round.

M is for monkeys, and thier cute people like little hands.

N is for Navy. My Hubs' employer.

O is for ocean, I don't know what I'd do with out it near by.

P is for Phil, my hub. :)

Q is for quaters which really would have come in handy last night when we were leaving the parking garage.

R is for running. My new pasion in life.

S is for syndrome as in Polycystic Ovairain Syndrome.

T is for Tv. I watch it way too much!

U is for Utah, we just got home fro there a few weeks ago.

V is for Virginia my home sweet home.

W is for wish. Something I do often.

X is for Xactly ( okay so I cheated) where I want to be in life. ( minus a baby that is.)

Y is a question I ask alot.

Z is for Zoolagist, what I wanted to be when I grew up. (Besides a mom.)

Comment Malfunction.

So Mel over at stirrup queens let me know that the comments weren't working in my blog. It should be fixed now.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Wow! I feel like the most accomplished person right now! After I posted this morning I ran my mile. Then I went out and raked the back yard and I planted my flowers and tomato plants. Then I repotted a few of my house plants. Then I washed my truck. I also finished the book I was reading. While doing all of this out side I got a little color, which is a good thing because I was transparrent I was so pale white. I feel really good today. I have no idea where all of this energy is comeing from, but I'm really glad its here!

Well, I'm off to possibly do some laundry...


Welcome ICLWers!

If you've never visited my little corner of the internet world Hi! I'm Jenn, I have PCOS. Right now I'm trying to lose the weight I gained durring treatment. This is my first ICLW and I'm excited to give and recieve comments.

Thanks for stoping by! I will write a more creative post later.

Off to put more miles on my treadmill...

Monday, April 20, 2009

Weigh in Monday

Hi all!

So it's Monday. I weigh 213. I didnt really gain as much as I thought I did. I just got done with my work out, I ran 1 mile. I might do more later, because to be honest the only reason I stopped is that my foot hurt. I really need new shoes, but that will probably have to wait till pay day. Right now I'm watching Miss. Universe I recorded it last night. I happen to know Miss NH USA, she is a very sweet person. It's sorta a good motavation for me to see these ladies, I want to be that fit and most of them do have real bodies.

Anyhow, on the agenda for today, cleaning! YAY! ( ummmm... not!) So yeah... Im off to bust some dust bunnies... wish me luck!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Whats the worst thing that someone could ask an infertile?

A few days ago, while I was at work one of the sweet old ladies that live in the building asked me if I was pregnant. She asked this because I carry most of my weight in my tummy, like most people with PCOS. Lately because I have been looseing weight from everywhere except my tummy I really do look 4 or 5 months pregnant. It's not like she knows about my situation. No one at my job does. What makes this worse is that this woman is a retired OBGYN. I dont blame her for asking. I know that she would be very happy if I was. ( Working where I do its almost like haveing 200 or so members of extended family.) Since then I've sorta been in a funk. I let my workouts slip and I've been eating a little crappy this week and I'm so mad at myself for that. I'm not sure how much I've gained but I know this week will be another gain, probably bigger then last week.

I don't know why I can't keep up with my work outs. Its not like I'm attempting the impossible here. I'm just aiming to work out at least 4 times a week.

Starting Sunday I am going to write on here everytime I workout. I think I'm going to just put down what I do that day... Feel free to skip over the borring parts if you feel the need.

Okay so I also read today that you should make a big goal, then break it up into smaller ones. So here it is. My Overall Goal Is: I am going to loose 40 pounds by Christmas this year. I think after this weeks giant screw up I probly weigh about 215( I havent stepped foot on the scale) so looseing 40 pounds would bring me down to 175, which is about right for my height ( 6').

This weeks small goal is : I'm going to work out 4 times, and my weight loss goal is 1.5 pounds.

On a happier note, I got a rise yesterday! .50 so in a year of working there I've gotten 1.50 in raises. That rocks! I love my job! Also some people sold thier unit, and they got rid of all thier furntiure and stuff. ( This was their vacation home) They gave me a really nice table and chairs and matching bar stools. So this week hasnt been all bad after all.

Monday, April 13, 2009


This week I gained 1 pound. I actually think that it might be muscle because I've been working out really hard. We will see.

This week I’m moving out of my warm-up week and into week 1 of the couch to 10 k. Basically its almost the same, only this week I'm going to be better about making sure I get in the whole work out 4 times this week.

Other then that there isn't too much going on.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Quadriceps and other things.

I came home from work yesterday to find hub and neighbor man in the back yard. This isn't something that happens ummm ever... neighbor man had a kid with him. The neighbors do not have kids. Actually I think they are infertiles too. I have no evidence of this but I sorta just know. Anyhow. Hub and Neighbor man were talking while random kid played with Buddy. I watched them out the door for a minute and my mind did the infertile thing, and it edited out neighbor man. I don’t know why this happens, but it always seems to. After neighbor man and random kid left, Hub and I dyed Easter eggs. I sorta felt like I shouldn't be dying eggs... you know, no kids and all. There was a whole lotta snark at first. It's how I deal with that sorta thing. But by the time half the eggs were done I was really having fun.

I really hate how IF puts this whole bubble around everything I do. It sucks!

While Hub and I were in egg land, we were taking and I mentioned how much the front of my upper legs hurt. ( I've been running again, and this time I’m going to stick to it.) Hub told me that I have nice quads. Ever since then I've been obsessed with them.

I've been doing the whole workout thing a little different this week and I think its working. I basically do the couch to 10 k thing, except, instead of running straight through I walk for my five minutes jog for 1 like it says to do. Then I do sit ups, push ups, free weights, or squats. Then back to the treadmill for another 6 minutes. It makes getting through my workout a little easier. We'll see how that works out for me. Well there’s a sink full of dishes and what not so I'm going to go do all that so all I have to do when I get home from work tomorrow is make a nice Easter dinner for the two of us and possibly the dogs.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Dog update

When Phil got home last night he called his uncle that is a vet and his uncle said that Buddy has a swollen anal gland not a broken tail. So I am taking him to the vet today for what ever they do to fix that and get an anti biotic. Hurrah! No broken tail he will be okay... oh and today the little snot is lifting up his tail again. They are just like kids... you know not sick as soon as you call the doctor or get in the waiting room... SNOT!

** UPDATE **

So I took Buddy to the vet this afternoon and his DX was over wagging his tail... Ummmm... yeah ... I just freaked out all night and spent $100 to have some one tell me my dog over wagged his tail and strained his muscles. *SIGH* I have to spend the next 3 days figuring out how not to make my dog happy. The good news is that he is okay!

Monday, April 6, 2009

monday weight in and other things.

So its Monday... I weigh the same. 211. which to be honest is a relief because I haven't exactly been being good lately, and that means that my bloat went away.

Now that said I restarted my couch to 10 k program today. This time I am going to keep up with it. Monday - Wednesday and Saturday I am going to run Thursday and Friday I am going to do strength training. Sundays I get a break. I'm going to continue to eat smartly and not blow portions way up.

Okay on to the rest of my life.

I think Buddy ( my Shar Pei mix) broke his tail. Its all hangy and that is not how it usually is. He also wont let me touch it. So right now I am waiting for my husband to get home and have him check it out then there will most likely be a vet visit. My poor baby. I'm worried that they will have to cut off his tail... he is the most tail waggly dog ever and I can't imagine him with out a tail.

Friday, April 3, 2009

I'm Back Baby!

Hey all!

We're home from UT! Actually we have been for 2 days now... but I've been working and so busy that I haven't had the time to even unpack. I did manage to visit my friendly neighborhood grocery store today.

We had such a good time! We went to Olympic Park, and Sundance, and saw the bridal veils (they are water falls). My sister in law and I hiked all over park city. Okay it was up main street and home from the grocery store, but when its like 2 miles up the side of a mountain it counts in my book at least. We also got 5 feet of snow. My hub skied. I soaked in the hot tub, outside watching the snow fall. It was so nice!! It really is pretty there, and I’m glad to know we will go back, only next time in spring or summer so we can do more stuff.

I'm also on the 3rd day of my period. When we landed in Norfolk it was at the gate waiting. I’m also pretty sure that I'm not ovulating. I used the OPKS up until we left and it never turned positive. That will mean next year when hub is on shore duty, and we find a new RE I will be back on hella strong meds again. I kinda thought so.

I will do a weigh in and set some goals on Monday. For now I'm going to clean up my house and unpack the rest of our junk.

Enjoy the snowy Mountain Pix.