As I'm trying to find the words to describe the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, my son is snuggling and sleeping on my chest.
I was put on strict bedrest about a week before Jack was born, after spending another night in the hospital. My blood pressures were getting out of control and the doctor was concerned. I had been going in for twice weekly non-stress tests to monitor the baby. I had Preeclampsia. My OB kept saying at my last apt that he would be surprised if I made it another week. I was almost 36 weeks. I so was scared that Jack would be early, and what might happen to him because of it. My mom had flew in after my last hospital stay, as she was afraid that I might have Jack and she would miss it, and she wanted to take care of me.
That Saturday was the 7th and we had been hanging out since I was on bedrest. Just after breakfast I had started not feeling well and I got a headache, and blurry vision. I managed to keep it to myself until after lunch when I decided that the headache wasn't going away, and it wasn't because I hadn't eaten or drank enough. I hadn't been experiencing headaches or too many vision problems so, we called the OB. He told Hub to bring me into the hospital and don't let me eat anything before hand. So I knew something was different from all the other hospital says, as he had never said that before, and I had been admitted to L&D 3 other times.
Mom had gone out for a walk to pick some black berries she had found growing next to a trail by my house, so Hub went out to find her and bring her back while I got ready. I put on some clothes, and cleaned myself up, and by the time I hunting for my flip flops they were home. We grabbed my bag and loaded up into the car. Constant nervous chatter about nothing spewed from my mouth. I couldn't let my mind focus on what I knew was happening. I couldn't let fear seep in around the edges.
We got to the hospital and up to L&D and the nurse put me in a real room. Prior to this I had always been put in the triage room, so this just reassured the fact that this was it. I got an IV, and hooked up to my buddy the BP cuff, and they took my info, and some blood. Then we were left alone to stare at each other and wonder. The Resident came in and told me what was going on. They were going to see if my body and the baby reacted well to some Pitocin. Then they were going to put a pill in to thin my crevix and get things going.
She gave me an ultrasound just to make sure he was still head down like he had been during my last visit, and he was. So she stared the Pitocin, and let me go. In the middle of the night the I had enough contractions ( although I didn't really feel them) and the baby reacted well so they stopped the Pitocin and she checked me. I was 1 cm and 70 % effaced so, she put in the pill. (I can't remember the name of it now) Then I sat around and waited and felt small contractions. They didn't really hurt, but they weren't comfortable, mostly they were strange. My mom kept saying I'd have him at about noon so I should get some sleep. I couldn't believe that was at all possible. I got checked twice early the next morning and I was 3 cm and 80% effaced. So they started the Pitocin back up. The contractions got stronger and began to feel more like strong cramps. Hub would hold my hand through the bad ones.
My OB came in at about 10am the next morning, and checked me and said he could feel what he thought was a hand coming down before the baby's head, which isn't a good thing as it could cause him to get stuck. So he got the ultrasound and scanned me. He found that what he thought was a hand turned out to be a foot. Jack had turned around during the night. I didn't feel it at all. The OB didn't look too happy. He was thinking out loud and trying to figure out what to do next. He mentioned my worst fear, tying to turn him. I had it in my head that it was scary and dangerous, and I didn't want it no matter what. But, when it came down to it I had the choice of trying to turn him and having a c-section right away. So I decided to let the Ob try and turn him.
They shut off the Pitocin, and we waited for my contractions to stop. It took about an hour although, it felt like it was only a minute. I got an Epidural, which I was also scared of, but turned out to be no big deal at all. The worst part was the numbing medicine that was injected before hand. Once it was in place I layed back down and waited for it to take effect. I felt like ants were crawling all over my body. And said so to my Mom and Hub repeatedly.
My OB came back in and brought another doc with him. I got the idea she hadn't ever tried to turn a baby before, because my OB was giving her instructions. I was nervous. So as they began I shut my eyes, and thought to myself, "Please don't let this hurt Jack". My OB was pushing with all his strength on my belly and the other doc was pulling. I couldn't feel a thing. But, all that effort was no use. Jack wouldn't budge. He's stubborn like his momma.
In what felt like a blink of an eye, I was in the OR being prepped for a C-section. Hub was in the hallway in a yellow paper gown waiting for a nurse to get him. I remember the anaesthesia nurse was complaining about the short notice she was given before they wheeled me in. My OB was talking about Erma's, a really good frozen custard place. The OB tested my belly to see if it was numb, and it wasn't, I could feel the sharp pinches. Which was surprising since I didn't feel all that pushing and pulling on my belly. The nurse put something in my epidural and I got really out of it, and I didn't feel the pinching anymore. They brought Hub in and time slowed way down. Until that moment, it felt like hours were seconds, then it felt like time just stopped as they began cutting. I was waiting for a cry, even the smallest little sound. But there was nothing. I felt tugging for a long time, apparently Jack was really wedged in there.
The tugging stopped, and still no cries. The terror set in, and I don't think my heart was beating. I felt like I was strapped down and helpless and alone. I saw the Peds doc carrying a small grey human to the incubator. They started working on him, and I said to Hub that he was really tiny. I was terrified. Still my baby wasn't crying. I couldn't even see him from where I was, so I didn't know they were bagging him. He wasn't breathing. I must have said, "Breath baby, come on Jack a thousand times". I thought I was going to lose him before I got to hold him and know him at all. Finally, after what felt like hours I heard a tiny mewing sound. Jack cried a few small gurgling cries from the incubator I hadn't taken my eyes off since they layed him in it. I saw a tiny pink foot come kicking up. Then he was wrapped up in Hub's arms and he was beautiful. I wanted so bad to touch him, but my hands were strapped down. I got to kiss his tiny little chubby cheek. Then they took him to the NICU.
I was sewn up and they took me back to my room. They put me on Magnesium and told me I had to stay in my bed until it was done. I had to be on it till the next morning. All I wanted to do was go be with my baby. I sent Hub and my Mom to be with him as soon as he could go. They gave Jack a chest Xray and put him on antibiotics, as a precaution. Hub took lots of pictures of him. He really was very tiny. only 5lbs 13oz. and 18 in long. He was born at 12:33pm. On August 8th. He had fluid in his lungs from being a c-section baby. He got to spend the second night in my room with us, but he developed Jaundice, so they kept him the next night. That was the hardest part. Being away from him after I had gotten to have him with me all night.
I got to go see him for the first time when he was one day old. The NICU nurse put him in my hands and I just stared, and tears filled my eyes. He is so worth everything I had to go through to get to be his mom. I knew right then I would have gladly done it all again just to be his mom. He was so tiny and perfect. He looked at me with big open eyes, and stole my heart. There are no words for how I felt at that moment. Instantly I loved him more then I ever thought I was capable of.
Jack is an amazing two week old baby now. He has his mommy and daddy wrapped around his little finger. He's beautiful, and so happy, and healthy, and I am so thankful.
Although his birth wasn't really what I had been expecting, I wouldn't change a thing about it because, this was the result...
... and he is pretty amazing.