Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Hard to say.

I've been trying to write this post for about a week now. I wanted to get as many facts as I could first. I have preeclampsia and Jack will be born early. So far everything seems to be under control. I have twice weekly OB apts now and this week if you include my trip to the hospital on Sunday for really high BP I'll be going 4 times. Yesterday for an NST and a steroid shot for Jack's little lungs, today for an Ultrasound and a second shot for Jack's lungs, and Friday for another Non Stress test.

I'm scared out of my mind. I don't want to hurt Jack. I know the best place for him is right where he is for as long as possible. The OB wont give me a ballpark on when he thinks Jack might have to be born he just said prepare yourself for him to be early. All I know is I'm not ready yet. I'm only 32 and a half weeks. I want him to be big and strong enough not to have to stay in the hospital, but I think if hes born soon he would have be in the NICU a while. It breaks my heart knowing that my body is failing him, and I can't stop it.

So far every NST they have given me he looks great, all responsive and kicking the monitor thing like "get this the hell off me!" (No I really have no idea where he's already got so stubborn from.) Today I get to see him again. They are measuring how big he is, and how much fluid he has around him. I know he at least was head down, because I was getting his little feet under my scar that is at the top of my belly right under my rib cage.

I'm thinking of packing my hospital bag soon, as I have no idea when he will have to be born. That is the part that scares me the most, not any of the hundreds of things that could happen to me. But having to have him soon, and him not being ready for it. I stayed up half the night thinking and whispering to him that I know he is strong and that if the time comes and its still really soon like this I need him to fight.

This weekend Hub's aunt and uncle from way up north are coming to visit on Saturday and we are having a lunch on Sunday to finish up the plans for my baby shower that is next weekend, and I sorta wish no one were coming here. Because that means I'll have to clean and entertain them and I'm not much up to it at the moment. Maybe once the U/S shows that he is good and not in any danger soon I'll feel better, but not right now.

I'll let you all know what the OB says today.


Minta said...

Sorry, Jenn, that's hard. I hope for you and Jack that the doctors feel comfortable with keeping him in place at least for another 2-3 weeks so his lungs can develop. Please keep in mind, as long as the best place for him is in you, the doctors will keep him there. They won't induce you until it becomes the best thing for him. {hugs}

jill said...

Ugh how scary :( I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I read another blog that had her baby at 32 weeks very unexpectadly and the baby had hardly a stay in the NICU at all (if any... I'll have to go back and read). I'm thinking of you and sending "Jack will be just fine!" thoughts.

Jill said...

Oh, I'm so sorry this has developed. I'll be thinking about and praying for you both. I hope he will continue to be doing just fine and can stay in for many more weeks. Hang in there. He has already made it so far and he will do great!

jill said...

Wondering how you are and still thinking of you!