Cramps... Cramps Everywhere and Not a Drop of Pink.

For about a week now I have had really strong cramps. The kind that double you over in pain. The kind I usually get before my cycle starts. But It hasn't. It just wont start. My uterus is a stubborn fickle bitch that knows there is thousands of dollars of insurance paid for fertility drugs in my fridge, and it is doing everything in its power to make me too crazy to use them.

Christmas Q&A

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Mostly paper. But if there are pretty bags on clearance after Christmas you bet I'm going to buy those too. I love me some after Christmas clearance shopping and always buy all my wrapping stuff then.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Mine is fake. I love it though because I never have to mess with tangled up lights.

3. When do you put up the tree? Usually in the days after Thanksgiving. But I've put it up earlier because family was coming at Thanksgiving and we were celebrating then.

4. When do you take the tree down? After Christmas when I get tired of looking at it.

5. Do you like eggnog? *GAG!* No way! It's the grossest substance in the universe. Hub likes it though.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My doll. Her name is Pam and she can talk and read when you put a cartridge in her back. I still her in the closet and hope to have a little girl so I can give it to her some day.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Hub's Grandma. She needs and wants nothing. This year we got her a photo frame with pictures of us in it... Real original I know.

8. Easiest person to buy for? My Mom, we usually want the same things... lol

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope, but we have a village that lights up and there are people that move.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? We usually mail them but I didn't do it this year.

11. Worst Christmas ever? The ones when Hub was deployed sucked.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie(s)? A Christmas Story... HAHA... " You'll Shoot Your Eye Out!" Also The Land of Misfit Toys. But the old one, not the computery one.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Depends, this year I got a late start, and only finished today.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes... but only to people who don't know the original giver, and because I know that they would like it much better then I do.

15.Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Ham... This year we are having Turkey at my MIL's, but I can see Ham for New Years. :)

17. Favorite Christmas song? I like the funny ones like, The 12 Pains of Christmas. Also the country ones, Dolly Parton's Hard Candy Christmas is good too. I had like 3 cd with all of my faves on them but I lost them in the move. :(

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Usually, this year we live about 3 miles from the in laws and we've done enough traveling so we are staying put. Next year though will be my Mom's turn. Either at her place or somewhere warm.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yup.


20. What is the weather usually like where you live on Christmas? I'm not sure, this is our first Christmas in MI, but tonight its freezing, and there is some dirty snow left from the last storm

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning... this year though we are having Christmas Eve at my Mil's and I believe there will be gifts then... so both.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Cranky people who check they're brains at the door before they go out. GAH! its obnoxious.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I don't have one favorite. Hub and I get one from all the places we travel too. Those are my favorites, because it reminds me of all the fun we had and the amazing places we've got to visit. This year we added New Orleans and Disney.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Ham. didn't I answer that already? Eh...

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? I want the Gonal F to work. But other then that, I would like some fun things for our house.


That's how we do Christmas here in my neck of the woods. Now, I want to know what you do in your abode. Leave me a comment if you're participating so that I can cruise by your blog and see your holiday doings. I'm looking forward to it! Til then, my friends...

Welcome IComLeavWe'ers!

Hi there!

If your here for the first time welcome!

I am currently waiting to start an injects cycle. This will be the first medicated cycle Hub and I have done since 2006.

I'm 24 Hub is 25. I have PCOS. No kids but we have two dogs that think they are children.

I procrastinate a little too much. Right now I still need to go Christmas Shopping for Hub.

I am still trying to fight the battle with my yo-yo weight. Currently, its up, but hopefully soon it will be down again.

I have a nifty intro here .

Heart attack averted...

So the nurse was able to fix the mistake and I got it all straightened out with the mail order pharmacy the RE likes to work with.

Today, my meds were delivered. I felt like it was Christmas. I opened my big ole box of fertility fun like it was the first gift on Christmas morning. I got 3 pens of Gonal F and 2 shots of Ovidril. They are sitting in my fridge and I'm waiting for AF. It feels as if I have been waiting for it not to come all of my life and now I just want it to hurry up and get here. If it isn't here by the end of the month the RE will give me something to make it start. I can't wait. ... That is weird, because I'm excited about giving myself needles. Odd... Just odd... :)

I'm so happy to be starting soon I don't even mind that something is wrong with the key pad on my oven, and what ever it is keeps beeping...

So A Girl and A Sailor Walk Into a Fertility Clinic.

Everything went well. That is until I got home last night.

The Re was really good! He answered all of our questions, and he is more than willing to give us Gonal F and let us do the rest our selves... But someone didn't tell the nurse that... *Sigh* So she called to get my prior authorization from the insurance co. and they asked her if we were doing IUI or IVF, and she said yes... OOPS! so the Insurance said NOPE you can't take that med. *SIGH* the nurse was calling the insurance co back to fix it. I hope they approve it this time. *SIGH*
Other then that I am good to go when AF starts I get to go get poked and prodded and then I get to start shooting up. In a few minutes I am going to call Tricare to see if my meds were approved. Why does Insurance only make this whole process 1000 times more difficult?!

T minus 1 day and 17 hours.

GAH! Nervous. I have no idea why I'm so worked up over this RE appointment. I go in on Thursday at 9:30. I'm scared all of the sudden that the RE will say IVF. and we just can't afford that now, and honestly, I'm not sure we want to do that. 20000+ and no guarantees scares the crap out of me. Also I'm scared that all my hard work losing this weight wont matter. The dark side of my brain keeps saying that the doc wont treat me because I am over weight. I am also scared that it wont work. ( I weigh less now then I did the last time but still...)

I think that it's just compounding up on me because I am stressed out about not being able to find a job. I've applied to every ad I have seen. I might just go out and get a retail job. I just can't stand being stuck at the house all day. It reminds me of the children that I don't have, and should be taking care of.

EEEP!

I got an appointment. :) Not tomorrow Thursday... but the Thursday after that. EEEEPPP! So happy. This is happening fast now, weird how that happens. Hurry up and wait for the never ending roller coaster ride. Step right up. :)I guess it might just be my turn after all, and I was thinking my chance at a turn was gone. Eeep! eeeep! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppp! :)

Relief!

My referral got accepted. :) I feel like the fifty ton elephant got off my chest finally!! Tonight I will see what would be a good day for a first appointment for Hub to go. He really wants to be there and I REALLY want him there. His schedule is never the same so hopefully he will have a good day next week and the RE will have an appointment. *WHOOOO!* I've spent the last hour or so breathing out a giant sigh of relief. All is good now.

Waiting...

I called the insurance company this morning and they had a referral for me! Now I'm waiting for it to be approved. Hopefully I will get some sleep tonight. *sigh* I feel like this must be my tenth post in two days... Thanks for not beheading me for all the craziness.

Up...

All night that was me. I watched the minutes as they ticked by, and got out of bed around midnight. I got back in bead about 1:30 and watched the clock till about 3am. Its almost 9am now and I think I was half asleep for about 5ish hours last night. I thought getting the referral and the appointment were the easy part of IF treatment... HA! Now I'm watching the clock tick off minutes so I can call my insurance company to see if I have a refural pending... or not... then call my doctor's office and let them know that I know I am not their only patient, but this is not exceptable!

3 Hours Later

...

A little after I posted my doctor called... He didn't know that I had called the office at all. He was calling to inform me that he had called a local RE and she said she would take me on... if I payed out of pocket... also did I mention that this RE treats people w/ massage... really just massage... NOPE... NO THANK YOU AT ALL!!! I was pissed! He said he would give me a list of about 30 REs that I could call since I was unhappy with the one he "found" ... I let him know that I had talked to office girl, and that I had already called around and found my own RE... all by myself. Then I had called office girl back and she said she would write up my referral... I gave him the RE's name and info, and he said he would speak to office girl about it and that was it... so yeah...

Then I called Tricare a couple hours later to check up... NO REFERRALS!!! GAH!!! now I know that this takes a doctor's office a minute to do, but really office girl said she was writing up my referral then. I feel like I'm being ignored and I don't like it. I might have to change doctors to be taken seriously... Why is this a ridiculous process?!! I don't think it is too much to ask!! GAH!!! Also, Dear Dr. G, Why does your office suck so much!!!????

Doctor Update!!!

I found one. After calling my doctor's office and basically getting the feeling that I have been ignored, I called around to re's offices and the RE I originally wanted to see ( you know the one who in fact does take Tricare, after I was told they called them and they didn't... opps! ) I am waiting on word from my insurance company that they accepted the referral. I am going to call in a couple of hours to see is the Doctor's office submitted one, because I now have zero faith in them. But it's finally moving! Maybe I will get to start off 2010 getting treatment, and possibly, maybe even finish out the year with a baby. EEEEP!


.... sorry for the scattered post... I'm excited.

No News.

No news on my referral. I do have a lovely migraine that I have had since I went to the doc on Thursday. The really bad part is that it is only on one side of my head and down into my neck and shoulders. It is probably stress. I called tricare and the person I spoke with said that it was likely that I would get my referral approved, however, one had not been submitted yet. I know it is because the insurance company is confusing to the doctor's office. *sigh* I just want to get started already!!!

GAH! ( warning, profanity)

Dear Tricare,


FUCK YOU!!!! ...





.....


Okay now I feel a little better. The nearest RE that is in the insurance network is on the other side of O-fucking-hio!!!! so yeah... a little mad... but its getting better... slowly. My doc was great yesterday. NOT at all how I was worried they were going to be. Although I did feel a little like a cartoon version on an infertile chick. When I got there the only available seat that was not in like some sick guy's lap was right next to a big ole stack of parenting mags, and then when they called me back to the exam room the magazine that was in there was CONCEIVE... yeah... no kidding... I thought only RE's had that too. so yeah, mmmmmm, anyhow...

Right now they are working very hard at getting me a referral. He knows a good RE that is attached to the same hospital as he is, and he is trying very hard to get me an appointment with him.

They are writing a referral, and then it needs to go and get approved... or not... for the out of network doc. Please everyone think good thoughts for us. ( The doctor seems pretty confident that they will approve this referral, because the nearest in network doc is WAY over 70 miles away.) *sigh* Can't it just be easy? Just this once?

Ready....

So I'm sitting here all ready to go to the doc. I'm so nervous that my hands are shaking and I can hardly sit still. I got dressed in my best grown up looking outfit... the best fitting one... which is getting hard since I can't really find pants that fit. I just really want to be taken seriously. I don't want to have to prove myself again. Just because I'm in my twenties doesn't mean that: 1) I'm not ready. AND 2) that I'm crazy and don't need help after all, because the last four years turns out were all in my head.

Please just let me have a good doc that wants to help. *SIGH*



NERVOUS!!!!

Here We Go Agian.

Tomorrow at 2:30 I have an appointment with the doctor. This is the one where I have to convince the new doctor that has never seen me that I am in fact not crazy, and I do need to go to an RE. I'm hopeful that I wont need to explain what PCOS is, and that I get taken seriously. But, I'm scared that the opposite of that will happen, or worse yet I get a doc that thinks he is super man and can fix my PCOS on his own... which we all know they aren't capable of. I'm scared of being told no, mostly. I want a good referral, not one like I had gotten at the beginning of this journey, where they sent me to an OB, because well that must be close to the same thing right?... WRONG... Ps... that OB thought PCOS treatment consisted of a uterine biopsy. Yeah... JERK... also his exam table faced an open first story window, on a busy street... needless to say I did not go back to him ever again.

Today I had lunch with my mother in law. I thought maybe she had something she wanted to say to me, but she didn't. She just wanted to have lunch. My relationship with her is really weird. I think mostly its because she doesn't understand what Hub and I have gone through, and sadly she sort of blamed me, also not really ever being around much probably hasn't helped. We talked about PCOS and what I was most likely going to have to do in order to have a baby. I think she understands better now and hopefully she will stop being so cold. She is from the group of women that believes babies just happen, and once your pregnant you always stay that way. So she has a little trouble believing that someone actually needs help getting and staying pregnant. I think she sorta thought fertility drugs were for people who wanted to have allot of kids at once then maybe get on tv. It's really kind of sad that people think that. Hopefully now though she gets that I'm not crazy, and understands a little more, about what we have gone though.

I'm off to dig up my records from the RE and make copies for the new doc. Wish me luck.