10000 Panic Attacks Later.

Since the last post I've had about 10000 panic attacks, over big and little things. Big things like, will he be healthy, or will he have to stay at the hospital. Little things like we didn't buy any newborn sized clothes, because we thought he was going to be big. (HA!) Or that I'm getting all nesty in my head, and I can't do too much about it.

I've come to terms with the fact that he is coming early. Today the doc said that he thinks that Jack will be here between 35 and 36 weeks. That's two weeks from now at the max. That's a little scary, but at least I have an idea about when things will happen. The Doc also answered my questions about if he would have to stay at the hospital after he was born. Basically, he said that usually depends on three things. Size, ability to eat, and breathing. He said his size is good for his age. As of the last growth ultra sound, he was just under 5lbs. So that is a huge part of it. He said babies that size usually can eat on their own, and regulate their temp. His big concern is his breathing, but that is why he gave me the betamethazone shots.

Today I had the strep B test, and an ultra sound, and a non stress test and some blood work. I basically live at the doctor's office. I go twice a week and at least have a non stress test. Hub has been able to go with me to my appointments, in case something scary happens. I'm really glad for that.

Jack is still moving like crazy, and he's got good fluid around him which is a big concern. So far he still looks really good. My blood pressure is still up. It was like 145/95 this morning. Which isn't the highest it has been, but it still sucks.

Saturday is our baby shower, and I'm looking forward to that. Hub's aunt has put alot of work in to the party. Hub's dad is flying in on Friday. Hub has a meeting and has been invited to a baseball game with the Admiral tomorrow. He's doing really good at work, and I'm really proud of him. The Admiral knows his name, that is a really big deal. So in a few minutes I'm going to iron his dress whites so he looks really good. My mom is flying in the beginning part of next week, to stay until after Jack gets here. I'm glad she's coming, and I'm glad I was able to put her off until we had a clearer picture of what was going on. Tomorrow, I am going to get my hair and pedicure done. Because I deserve it.

Hard to say.

I've been trying to write this post for about a week now. I wanted to get as many facts as I could first. I have preeclampsia and Jack will be born early. So far everything seems to be under control. I have twice weekly OB apts now and this week if you include my trip to the hospital on Sunday for really high BP I'll be going 4 times. Yesterday for an NST and a steroid shot for Jack's little lungs, today for an Ultrasound and a second shot for Jack's lungs, and Friday for another Non Stress test.

I'm scared out of my mind. I don't want to hurt Jack. I know the best place for him is right where he is for as long as possible. The OB wont give me a ballpark on when he thinks Jack might have to be born he just said prepare yourself for him to be early. All I know is I'm not ready yet. I'm only 32 and a half weeks. I want him to be big and strong enough not to have to stay in the hospital, but I think if hes born soon he would have be in the NICU a while. It breaks my heart knowing that my body is failing him, and I can't stop it.

So far every NST they have given me he looks great, all responsive and kicking the monitor thing like "get this the hell off me!" (No I really have no idea where he's already got so stubborn from.) Today I get to see him again. They are measuring how big he is, and how much fluid he has around him. I know he at least was head down, because I was getting his little feet under my scar that is at the top of my belly right under my rib cage.

I'm thinking of packing my hospital bag soon, as I have no idea when he will have to be born. That is the part that scares me the most, not any of the hundreds of things that could happen to me. But having to have him soon, and him not being ready for it. I stayed up half the night thinking and whispering to him that I know he is strong and that if the time comes and its still really soon like this I need him to fight.

This weekend Hub's aunt and uncle from way up north are coming to visit on Saturday and we are having a lunch on Sunday to finish up the plans for my baby shower that is next weekend, and I sorta wish no one were coming here. Because that means I'll have to clean and entertain them and I'm not much up to it at the moment. Maybe once the U/S shows that he is good and not in any danger soon I'll feel better, but not right now.

I'll let you all know what the OB says today.

NH trip and Baby Shower # 1.

Okay I know we got back a week ago. It's been hard to write.

We left Mi, and drove across Canada. We got to stop in Niagara Falls on the way up and back, and we decided that when we go to my mom's at Christmas we are going to make that our first day stopping point. It was fun to think about pushing a stroller with our son in it around that city.



We got to my mom's and it was really great to be home. I miss it there, even though its not the home I left. The whole town changed, and the places that have always been there look old, compared to all the new stores and restaurants.

I had a really good time hanging out with my mom. I miss her already, and September can't come soon enough. Even though that means I wont be pregnant anymore. My mom is coming to see her grand baby be born. She is so excited.

My baby shower was great. More than I thought it would be. My great uncle came and sang the whole time. I had a great time seeing everybody. We got a lot of very nice and useful baby things. I think my mom bought out the baby department in every store around her. Jack wont need clothes till he is at least nine months old.









We also had family pictures done. My mom has been wanting to do it for a long time.





I've been working on finishing Jack's room. I hung all of his clothes up. I still need to wash them... but they aren't in the crib or laundry basket anymore. I'm 99% done with the mural on his wall. I just have the monkey to finish, and the sky to fix, and details to add in. Then his dresser can come in and I can paint his changer that goes on top of it. ( Its white right now... its going to be blue to match the water in the mural.) Once his dresser comes into the room, I can put all of the odds and ends in it, and have alot of much needed closet space back, to put diapers and things we might get at our 2nd shower, on 7-24. Right now stuff is piled everywhere, and its a big giant mess in there. I want that to be fixed before the 24th so I can just add to it, and not have to worry about it after. Hub needs to hang his name on the wall above the crib, I still need to trim off some of the excess paint that dripped off of them too. I need to get a couple of baskets for toys and small things. I also need to start cleaning out parts of the house for some of his other stuff. Who knew someone so small could have so much stuff. :)

**Also I just read that... and Nesting much... yeah I think its starting to kick in. lol

Third Trimester.

How did this happen so quickly?! I swear I just saw that stick say PREGNANT yesterday. Now I have this amazing little guy growing and moving in my belly. I'm shopping for a baby shower dress, and starting to have a hard time bending and moving around. ( ie. Gee I thought I'd be able to fit through there... Guess not... ) I see my reflection in the mirror and I can't believe how big and round my belly is getting. This is going by too fast. I think maybe I'm crazy because I actually like being pregnant. I like it alot and wish I could slow it down. Yeah there's back pain and heart burn so bad that I want to use a fire extinguisher, but it doesn't matter, I love being pregnant. I love feeling Jack move around in there. Lately I can feel him petting my belly, opening and closing his little hand on my belly. It's pretty amazing. He bumps and kicks and wiggles, and I never want that to stop. At the same time though I can't wait to meet this little guy. He already stole my heart. I'm so happy that we made it here, and that Jack is growing and he is okay.

We went up north this weekend, and saw one of Hub's cousins graduate from high school. When we got home I caught Hub in the baby's room making a little outfit from his clothes. He was fussing over things, and that was the first time he let me see him do that. He had this reserved block (just short of letting himself show all of his emotions) just in case things didn't go so good. That block is gone now and it amazes he how happy he has been underneath that block. Not that he wasn't happy before, but now the wall came tumbling down. I think it's because if Jack was born right now he would survive. Hub let down his wall, and was in there looking through all of the little baby clothes I've been collecting. There is something so amazing looking at the father of your child with a tiny shirt in his hand. He is so in love with this baby too, and all I could do was hug him.

In the next month and a half there will be two baby showers. The first of which I am looking forward to alot. I get to go home and see my mom and family. I haven't been home in a long time, and I miss them. The other one will be a big one with Hub's side of the family. I can't believe how many people love this little guy already.

26.. going on 27.

Yeah. I know. I've been a bad blogger. I haven't updated in a while and my comments have been lacking. Sorry... life is boring, and busy all at the same time.

Hub's grandfather died about a week ago. He hadn't seen him in about 8 years. Not because of any fight or anything like that. He had Alzheimer's and his children put him in a home that was too far away for anyone to visit, including Hub's grandmother. They were each other's second mar rage but were married for about 25 years. I know she missed him very much. He was part of the reason Hub joined the Navy. He fought during WWII. They gave him a military funeral, complete with a 21 gun salute. Jack jumped so hard I thought he was going to come out the front of my belly. Hub got to be part of the honor guard, and I know that he got some closure out of that. He also got to give the flag to his grandmother at the funeral. Hub was one of two of his grand kids who joined the Navy because of him.

On a happier note.

I am two weeks away from my first baby shower, and going home to see my Mom. I can't wait. Heck I would pack right now if I didn't need half the stuff I'd pack before then. I can't wait to see my Mom. I can't wait till she can feel Jack kick, and see how much he's grown. I wish she could be here to see it all happen, but she's going to be here to see him born and that means the world to me.

I' m still working on Jack's room. I've gotta get more paint to finish the mural, and paint the letters I got that spell his name. I spent about an hour organizing all the things in his closet to make room for the baby shower stuff. Not that we had got him a ton of stuff or anything, it was just all thrown in there and a mess. The diapers were taking up 2/3 of the whole closet, because they were stacked like jinga tiles. Plus I got to look at all his little clothes. I found a sample of diapers that we got when we did our registry. They are newborn size and I couldn't believe how tiny they are. They fit in the palm of my hand. It blows my mind.

Yesterday I discovered a growing puddle in our basement. It was huge! I couldn't get in there to see where it was coming from but I thought it was our hot water heater. Hub checked it out and sure enough it was the drain valve. He capped it last night. So hopefully that will fix it.

Jack kicks all the time, and it still makes my face light up every time. He gets the hiccups, sometimes very hard, and Hub got to feel him hiccup last night. Last night I was woken up because Jack launched himself off of my hip and it hurt like hell. I nearly screamed. Then I figured out that he was suddenly on the complete other side of my belly, and his back wasn't facing out for the first time all week, so this morning and all night I got to feel all the kicks that I had been feeling only faintly for a week. It made for a rough nights sleep, but it was worth it. I'll take baby kicks over sleep any day.

Oh well.. there's a mountain of things that I have to do today. Like all the things that require hot water, as I was scared to use it yesterday.

Birdgate 2010

George came out of the fireplace and dove at my head a few times. I gathered up a very stunned Buddy and shut him in the bedroom. I came back out and I couldn't find George. I stood frozen in my living room for a few minutes, until I saw him using one of our picture frames for a perch. I took a towel and shooed him off there and towards the open front door. He took off and landed behind the entertainment center. I tried to coax him out with some bread, but apparently bread is the sign that the human who's house you've invaded is trying to kill you, if you are a bird anyhow. He freaked out and he took off into my kitchen and landed behind the table. I tried the bread again and he flew out the front door.

So for now we are a bird free house.

On another note I have the cold from hell. My nose is all stuffed and itchy inside. I hope it goes away soon.

George update.

So we got home last night and we shut up all the other rooms in the house and moved the board out from in front of the fireplace. And NOTHING! No George. So we thought he went back up the way he came. But now I'm sitting in the living room and caw caw caw... flap flap... yup... George is still in there. *sigh* I'm starting to think George has made a nest in there somewhere... UGH! It's going to be another long day.

A bird in the fireplace....

Isn't better then two in the bush. AT ALL!

So right now I'm sitting in my living room with it trapped in the fireplace, because I'm not really sure how to get it to go back out side. I know its in there because of all the fluttering and caw! noises. It's going to be a long day until Hub gets home to put that bird back outside where it belongs...

Even though I don't want it in my house I've named him... yeah I think its a him... his name is George. Hopefully George goes back up the chimney where he came from.

Next visit in 2 weeks.

EEEP! How did this happen already?

I went to the OB today. Got some good news not only will I not have to redo the the glucose test, I don't have the diabetus! YAY! I was really worried about that. In fact the test came back normal... yeah normal... not really what I expected. But I'll take it. :)

I go back to the OB in two weeks, for just a little appointment. Then two weeks after that I get to have another U/S. Can't wait for that. I can't wait to see Jack's little face again. :)

I've been reading alot lately. I got a breast feeding book and Everything your child's first year book at the resale shop and I've had those books in my hand nearly every time I sit down.

I'm still working on the mural in the baby's room. I went out and got some better paint then the old stuff I had laying around. I hope to have it done this week.

I was in target today and I found a little bank in the cheap stuff section in the front of the store. It's a little crab and its so cute. They have a bunch of other shapes if anyone is interested. I think it was 2.50... not to bad.

Okay. This may be too much to ask but I'm pretty desperate. Every kind of undies I try roll down... like alot... like to my knees. Yeah not so fun. Has anyone had any luck finding ones that don't? Thanks in advance!

Week 23 and a Half.

I woke up this morning to a baby dance party in my belly. Sometimes I still can't believe that all this is happening to me. I can't believe that I am going to be a mom to a real live little boy in about 16 weeks.

I'm feeling really good. I'm not really having any issues lately. Just the occasional back ache. I am getting cravings really bad. All I want is D*airy*Q*uee*n and I really want a really nice steak with a wedge salad covered in blue cheese. ( So sad no blue cheese no blue cheese for me.)

We are working on getting the baby's room put together. I am painting a mural on his wall. I'll post pictures when it is done. Hub got a model ship and he put that together over the weekend. We bought the wooden letters to spell out his name. I still need to paint them. When I'm done painting his wall Hub and his friend will move the dresser into the room. I just walk by the open door and stare at his room that is starting to fill up with all of his little things.

This weekend Hub and I are going to go thrift store shopping and look for baby clothes and things. We have a few really good ones around here, and I've been able to find some nice things, including most of my maternity clothes.

Well I have to go do the laundry now... Yay fun... NOT... Hope everyone had a good weekend. : )