Sunday, August 9, 2009

Black Cloud.

There once was a girl, she grew up in a world covered by a black cloud. Everywhere around her was violence. Her father beat and verbally abused her every waking moment. She began to believe it was normal to live in a world of fear and hate, to feel empty and worthless. It didn't seem odd that when she was a teenager her boyfriend began to beat and rape her and make her feel more worthless and empty inside everyday. He said he'd kill her family if she told a sole or left him. He was crazy, so she believed him and went right on pretending everything was fine.

She grew up graduated high school with one of her "I'm hiding the pain and horror inside" smiles on her face. She counted the days till she could go to college. She would finally be safe there, she told herself. But not on weekends. Weekends she went home, her mother needed her. They were all each other had.

Her mom divorced that asshole that was allegedly her father in November that year. (She still shutters to think that some where inside her is even one speck of his DNA) Because; her mom had that strength and courage, she found her own courage deep inside to say she was done with the violence in her life. She told that boy he was gone for good. Her mother knocked his teeth out when she found out what he had done. She hasn't spoken to her "father" in five years.

Even now, violence makes her sick inside.

That girl is me. All of that is true. It took me along time to admit that out loud. I healed, so did my mother. Yes there are scars but the wounds have closed over. I married a great man, and I live a great life.

I thought I had escaped the horrific dark cloud of domestic violence. I guess not.

I just found out that the only real friend I had growing up is in the same boat I found my self in not too long ago. Tonight I sit here drinking straight Jack on ice just trying to make the shaking stop and the awful thoughts of what that ass hat is doing to her go away, or at least dull. I'm formulating a plan to save her. She's only a few hours away. I'm closer then both of our families and he'd never find her her here.

She was my best friend. We were inseparable. She lived at my house. We were sisters. She comes from a long line of screwed up just like I do. But hers is a bit worse. Her grandmother raised her, her mom ran off and her father was in jail. My family took her in and adopted her (not legally). We shared and room and our secrets, as we grew up together, alone.

My mom offered to formally adopt her. Instead of letting that happen, her grandmother, locked her up in a home for screwed up kids, after having her locked up in the mental hospital. Her grandmother alleged she was suicidal. She wasn't. She was living at my house, her grandmother had no way of knowing that without a crystal ball. Her grandmother just didn't want to lose the money the state paid her for being a guardian.

Sadly I lost touch with her after a long string of homes her grandmother put her away in. She would run away and my family would pick her up. Sometimes she'd stay for a week or two. Then she would be put in a home that was father away, until finally we lost her.

I haven't stopped thinking about her since. I've missed her everyday. I missed her when I got married, and I miss her now that my mom is sick. I lost my sister.

I'm sick to my stomach thinking about what could be happening to her tonight. All I keep thinking about is that he could be hitting her right now, and I could stop it. I could stop it this time. She needs me and I will stop it. I'm tring to find away to arrange me picking her up. Easier said then done. He has blocked the computer so she can't use it. She's not "allowed" to go out, and he tracks her phone calls.

What he doesn't know is that I have a number local to my home state... but I'm not there. Hold on, I'm comming for you.

1 comment:

jill said...


She is lucky to have a friend who cares so much. I hope you are able to help her and I also hope you don't put yourself in danger trying to do so. It sounds like a horrible situation.