MIA

WOW! Alot has happened since my last post. I turned 25. Jack had his first trip to the apple orchard. He also had a blood transfusion. So yeah that's where I've been.

I've been trying to write about Jack's transfusion since it happened two weeks ago, but theres alot of guilt there. 1) because, he got a blood disorder from my side of the family. One that I have, and really its no big deal for me... but then no one in my family has ever needed a transfusion for it before. 2) Because, he was really anemic, and I didn't see it.

We have sphearocytosis. Basically that means our red blood cells are shaped like a ball instead of a disk, so our spleens filter them out... well not mine cause I no longer posses one. It was removed when I was 6. This is probably in Jack's future. We have an appointment with the hematologist again this Thursday, hopefully we get his test results, even though I'm 99.9% sure this is what is wrong with Jack the thought of all those very small possibilities creep in every once in a while. Also I really want some sort of idea about how to keep him from getting so anemic in the future.

The blood transfusion its self was no big deal. They just put us in a hospital room, and hooked Jack up to an IV and gave him two units of blood. It was hell on me though. I stayed up all night holding my baby, who acted normal, and had no idea what was going on. Also it was hell because the insurance company didn't seem to understand that it was urgent that my 5 week old son get this blood, and hung up on the doctor's office and lost the referral request. Hub spent the whole day on the phone screaming at jerks. I held Jack, and watched him get weaker by the minute, until finally I decided it was better to ask for forgiveness then permission and had him admitted. Hopefully we wont need to do this all again on Thursday.

That said, he is a very healthy little guy and he's growing like a weed. He's so strong, and stubborn and playful. I'm am constantly amazed by him.

We went apple picking for my birthday this past Saturday. Jack like the long walk, but hated the apples, and the trees. We managed to get a couple good pictures though. We had fun, and it was the start of a family tradition. That felt pretty good.

Besides being busy around here I really have no good excuse for not posting. sorry. Oh and I've managed to lose 3 pounds in all the caos. Not too bad considering all the stress.

Shrinking Again.

It's time to shrink again. I got the all clear from my OB to work out, and now I'm back on my path. I have about 30 lbs to lose now. My goal is 185. That's about 10 pounds lighter than I was last summer. I really want to fit into a size 12. I know that its not about the tag on my clothes, but I just really want that. It would be so much easier to find clothes that fit. My body seems to have rearranged its self. I have a butt now, I never really had hips or a but and now I do. I don't mind that so much, its all the loose hanging junk around my belly, and the flabby legs and arms that are bugging me. Being on bed rest made all the muscle I had worked so hard on turn to flab.

I'm starting slowly. I went for a five mile walk with Jack yesterday. We have a park nearby that has a paved trail through the woods by a river. I was so quiet and nice, I just walked and thought. I tried to get Jack to take a picture with a orange leaf that had fallen but he wasn't having any part of that. He started screaming because the stroller stopped. Poor kid had his second hep B vac. yesterday, and he wasn't too happy about it.

I'm planing to walk there every other day until the weather is bad. I'm also planing on going through my work out DVD collection this week and doing one of those maybe on the days I don't get to walk. I'm also slowly cutting back on my calories, and stopping the junk food.

My smaller goal is to be able to jog on that trail with Jack in the jogging stroller next spring after the snow is gone.

I'll be posting updates on that on Mondays. (hopefully)

Dear Jack.

I'm going to write you these letters when you hit a milestone or something great happens. I want you to remember all the good things.

Your one month old now my sweet little boy. In this short month that you have been here you have brought so much love and happiness to my life.

Everyday you get stronger and more alert. That is a big difference from the beginning. You had jaundice so you slept allot when you first came home. Now your playing and looking into mommy and daddy's eyes. Your fascinated by lights and your two dogs, you stare at them for hours. You are so strong. You can hold your head up all by yourself for the most part. If we put you on your tummy you do a push up, and can hold yourself there and look around. Sometimes your really stubborn and you lock up all of your joints so we can't change your clothes or tape your diaper.

You like to hold onto everything, your paci, clothes, and toys, if its near you and it draws your attention you reach for it. You are a curious little guy. You study everything, and like to look at new things. It feels like your already in such a hurry to grow up and do things on your own. You try to put the paci back in your mouth if you lose it, and it seems like you have a new talent to show your daddy everyday when he gets home from work.

You've already had a few adventures. When you were two weeks old one of your daddy's friends got married, and you went to their wedding in a big park. You've been to a cook out, and for a long ride out in the country. Everywhere we go people stop us to tell us how beautiful you are.

You have a favorite toy already. It's a grey elephant that plays music that your Grammy got you. It is the first thing you ever reached for. You grab it by the ear and try so hard to shove it in your mouth. It seems so simple, but your mommy and daddy could watch you do that forever.

You came into our lives just one month ago, and we were forever changed. You made us so much more, so much better. You are a dream come true.

Love,
Mommy.