Thankful

This year there is alot to be thankful for here in Serra land. Last Christmas like the 5 Christmases before, when someone asked me what I wanted, I wished for a baby in my heart. Little did I know that baby was growing inside of me. This Thanksgiving will be full of laughs and baby babble and for that I am very thankful. One little man came into our lives this year and we just may be the most thankful family there ever was.

Here is my thankful list. What are you thankful for?

* Having an attached garage.

* Having a momma that is also my best friend.

* Having an amazing Husband who works really hard so I can be a stay at home Mommy.

* Pretzel M&Ms

* Most importantly, this.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear Jack

Time is flying by. Your already three months old. Yet it feels like you've been here forever. We've reached the point where everyday there is something new.

All of the sudden you've got a little face that explodes with HUGE smiles and laughter. Your the happiest baby I have ever seen, and I'm not just saying that because your my son. The only time you really cry is when you are hungry. You get pretty demanding when your hungry.

Every night before you go to bed you sit on my lap and we have a conversation. I talk to you and make goofy faces, and you babble and smile, and laugh. That's my favorite thing. You look right in my eyes and babble at me like your telling me all about your day.

You love to jump. You have a jumper in the door way between the kitchen and the dinning room and you love it. You get so excited and you smile and yell. If the radio is on when your jumping and a song you like comes on you jump so hard the floor shakes.

Buddy is in love you! He has finally figured out that you are the kid we had promised him and baby sits you if I leave the room, and your left behind in your crib or your swing. If you are on your play mat on the floor he brings you his toys and drops them near by, and he waits for you to throw them. He wants so badly for you to play with him. It breaks his wrinkly little heart that you can't run and play fetch with him yet.

To further prove you are the best gift I've ever been given, you decided that three months old is the perfect age to sleep through the night and you've been sleeping 6 to 8 hours without waking for a while now. Thank you for that little man. It makes mommy very happy. On top of being a rock star sleeper you also wake up happy. With big smiles for me when I come to get you from your crib.

I love watching you study the world around you.

Love you little man,

Mommy

Watch Me Shrink.

One month ago I posted about how I was going to start the weight loss process again.
Do you know what I've done to make that happen? NOTHING! Unless you count the squats I did on Saturday, and switching to diet soda. Yeah... FAIL!!! So it's butt kicking time. It's not about the baby weight. It's because I don't feel good about myself, and I don't feel healthy. I wasn't feeling healthy before I got pregnant.I'm only 10 pounds heavier then when I got pregnant. I started gaining when we moved here and started renovation on this house. I've been eating junk. A LOT of junk. That needs to stop now. Hub isn't always home from work at dinner time, and I was using that as an excuse to go out and get junky fast food that I don't even like and having that for dinner. Last night as I was eating cheese sticks for dinner I realized that this wasn't what I really wanted to be doing and that they didn't really taste that good. I wanted to get a roasted chicken and some salad but here in Bangladesh (my new name for this crap hole part of the world) you can't find ready cooked chicken after noon. I know that is still no excuse for my poor eating habits. The point is that it needs to stop.

Over the coarse of the next month I'm going to take steps to eat better and get my butt off the couch. My plan is to put fruits or veggies in my mouth with every meal, drinking more water, and to start the same exercises I was doing when I started to lose weight the first time. Situps push ups squats ect. I hope to start the couch to 10k program again by this time next month. I'm going to shoot for once per week updates on how I'm doing with this process.

2 Months

Dear Jack,

Tomorrow you will be two months old. You are babbling and yelling AH!. I have even heard you say "OH" a few times. You are so playful. You like to stand and jump on our laps. You really like to ride ponies on our knees. If we are out shopping and stop the cart to look at something you start to whine, you like to be on the go.

When I take you out I still get "that must be a brand new baby comments." You look like a one month old, because you were born a month early. You are just now starting to wear 0-3 month clothes and size one diapers. Your a strong little guy. You have so much strength and control in your neck it amazes me and daddy. Your little arms and legs are very strong too.

We went apple picking with you for the first time. You weren't to thrilled with the apple trees, or the pumpkin patch we set you in to take your picture. We still got cute ones though.



The other day you got your first Hemi hug, and you quickly re payed him by eating his ear. You grabbed right ahold of it and in your mouth it went. Your starting to do that with everything.

You like to talk on the phone with your Grammy. When she talks you get big big smiles. If you happen to hear your uncle Jeremy in the back ground your smile gets so big I think your face might split in two.

You are so happy. Your little adorable redish haired self, makes mommy and daddy's life so much better and happier. Snuggles from you make even the worst days better. I love you so much little chipmunk.

Love forever,

Mommy.

MIA

WOW! Alot has happened since my last post. I turned 25. Jack had his first trip to the apple orchard. He also had a blood transfusion. So yeah that's where I've been.

I've been trying to write about Jack's transfusion since it happened two weeks ago, but theres alot of guilt there. 1) because, he got a blood disorder from my side of the family. One that I have, and really its no big deal for me... but then no one in my family has ever needed a transfusion for it before. 2) Because, he was really anemic, and I didn't see it.

We have sphearocytosis. Basically that means our red blood cells are shaped like a ball instead of a disk, so our spleens filter them out... well not mine cause I no longer posses one. It was removed when I was 6. This is probably in Jack's future. We have an appointment with the hematologist again this Thursday, hopefully we get his test results, even though I'm 99.9% sure this is what is wrong with Jack the thought of all those very small possibilities creep in every once in a while. Also I really want some sort of idea about how to keep him from getting so anemic in the future.

The blood transfusion its self was no big deal. They just put us in a hospital room, and hooked Jack up to an IV and gave him two units of blood. It was hell on me though. I stayed up all night holding my baby, who acted normal, and had no idea what was going on. Also it was hell because the insurance company didn't seem to understand that it was urgent that my 5 week old son get this blood, and hung up on the doctor's office and lost the referral request. Hub spent the whole day on the phone screaming at jerks. I held Jack, and watched him get weaker by the minute, until finally I decided it was better to ask for forgiveness then permission and had him admitted. Hopefully we wont need to do this all again on Thursday.

That said, he is a very healthy little guy and he's growing like a weed. He's so strong, and stubborn and playful. I'm am constantly amazed by him.

We went apple picking for my birthday this past Saturday. Jack like the long walk, but hated the apples, and the trees. We managed to get a couple good pictures though. We had fun, and it was the start of a family tradition. That felt pretty good.

Besides being busy around here I really have no good excuse for not posting. sorry. Oh and I've managed to lose 3 pounds in all the caos. Not too bad considering all the stress.

Shrinking Again.

It's time to shrink again. I got the all clear from my OB to work out, and now I'm back on my path. I have about 30 lbs to lose now. My goal is 185. That's about 10 pounds lighter than I was last summer. I really want to fit into a size 12. I know that its not about the tag on my clothes, but I just really want that. It would be so much easier to find clothes that fit. My body seems to have rearranged its self. I have a butt now, I never really had hips or a but and now I do. I don't mind that so much, its all the loose hanging junk around my belly, and the flabby legs and arms that are bugging me. Being on bed rest made all the muscle I had worked so hard on turn to flab.

I'm starting slowly. I went for a five mile walk with Jack yesterday. We have a park nearby that has a paved trail through the woods by a river. I was so quiet and nice, I just walked and thought. I tried to get Jack to take a picture with a orange leaf that had fallen but he wasn't having any part of that. He started screaming because the stroller stopped. Poor kid had his second hep B vac. yesterday, and he wasn't too happy about it.

I'm planing to walk there every other day until the weather is bad. I'm also planing on going through my work out DVD collection this week and doing one of those maybe on the days I don't get to walk. I'm also slowly cutting back on my calories, and stopping the junk food.

My smaller goal is to be able to jog on that trail with Jack in the jogging stroller next spring after the snow is gone.

I'll be posting updates on that on Mondays. (hopefully)

Dear Jack.

I'm going to write you these letters when you hit a milestone or something great happens. I want you to remember all the good things.

Your one month old now my sweet little boy. In this short month that you have been here you have brought so much love and happiness to my life.

Everyday you get stronger and more alert. That is a big difference from the beginning. You had jaundice so you slept allot when you first came home. Now your playing and looking into mommy and daddy's eyes. Your fascinated by lights and your two dogs, you stare at them for hours. You are so strong. You can hold your head up all by yourself for the most part. If we put you on your tummy you do a push up, and can hold yourself there and look around. Sometimes your really stubborn and you lock up all of your joints so we can't change your clothes or tape your diaper.

You like to hold onto everything, your paci, clothes, and toys, if its near you and it draws your attention you reach for it. You are a curious little guy. You study everything, and like to look at new things. It feels like your already in such a hurry to grow up and do things on your own. You try to put the paci back in your mouth if you lose it, and it seems like you have a new talent to show your daddy everyday when he gets home from work.

You've already had a few adventures. When you were two weeks old one of your daddy's friends got married, and you went to their wedding in a big park. You've been to a cook out, and for a long ride out in the country. Everywhere we go people stop us to tell us how beautiful you are.

You have a favorite toy already. It's a grey elephant that plays music that your Grammy got you. It is the first thing you ever reached for. You grab it by the ear and try so hard to shove it in your mouth. It seems so simple, but your mommy and daddy could watch you do that forever.

You came into our lives just one month ago, and we were forever changed. You made us so much more, so much better. You are a dream come true.

Love,
Mommy.

GAH DRAMA!

So my MIL... yeah I cant say anything nice today about that so if that bugs you go away now...

She wont come over to see the baby... but she keeps bugging Hub to drop him off over there for a few hours... YEAH NOT HAPPENING! I'm not leaving my less then 3 week old son with that woman. More than that the only reason I can think that she wont come see him is that I am here. We come as a package and if she doesn't want to see me then she doesn't need to see him. GAHH!!! I'm so pissed off at that! Why do we have to be so far away from the good grandmother? My mom loves this kid and would do anything just to get to see him... but not her oh no she wont see him if I'm around... Well then she wont be seeing him at all... DUMB BITCH! there I said it. I've had it with that dumb bitch and all her drama.

She even was talking shit about my mom in my hospital room while my mom was right there, and I was in the NICU feeding my son. NOPE! NO MORE! I'M Done! It's going to be a long two more years, but I can't wait to move far far away from here!!!

Jack's Arival

As I'm trying to find the words to describe the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, my son is snuggling and sleeping on my chest.

I was put on strict bedrest about a week before Jack was born, after spending another night in the hospital. My blood pressures were getting out of control and the doctor was concerned. I had been going in for twice weekly non-stress tests to monitor the baby. I had Preeclampsia. My OB kept saying at my last apt that he would be surprised if I made it another week. I was almost 36 weeks. I so was scared that Jack would be early, and what might happen to him because of it. My mom had flew in after my last hospital stay, as she was afraid that I might have Jack and she would miss it, and she wanted to take care of me.

That Saturday was the 7th and we had been hanging out since I was on bedrest. Just after breakfast I had started not feeling well and I got a headache, and blurry vision. I managed to keep it to myself until after lunch when I decided that the headache wasn't going away, and it wasn't because I hadn't eaten or drank enough. I hadn't been experiencing headaches or too many vision problems so, we called the OB. He told Hub to bring me into the hospital and don't let me eat anything before hand. So I knew something was different from all the other hospital says, as he had never said that before, and I had been admitted to L&D 3 other times.

Mom had gone out for a walk to pick some black berries she had found growing next to a trail by my house, so Hub went out to find her and bring her back while I got ready. I put on some clothes, and cleaned myself up, and by the time I hunting for my flip flops they were home. We grabbed my bag and loaded up into the car. Constant nervous chatter about nothing spewed from my mouth. I couldn't let my mind focus on what I knew was happening. I couldn't let fear seep in around the edges.

We got to the hospital and up to L&D and the nurse put me in a real room. Prior to this I had always been put in the triage room, so this just reassured the fact that this was it. I got an IV, and hooked up to my buddy the BP cuff, and they took my info, and some blood. Then we were left alone to stare at each other and wonder. The Resident came in and told me what was going on. They were going to see if my body and the baby reacted well to some Pitocin. Then they were going to put a pill in to thin my crevix and get things going.

She gave me an ultrasound just to make sure he was still head down like he had been during my last visit, and he was. So she stared the Pitocin, and let me go. In the middle of the night the I had enough contractions ( although I didn't really feel them) and the baby reacted well so they stopped the Pitocin and she checked me. I was 1 cm and 70 % effaced so, she put in the pill. (I can't remember the name of it now) Then I sat around and waited and felt small contractions. They didn't really hurt, but they weren't comfortable, mostly they were strange. My mom kept saying I'd have him at about noon so I should get some sleep. I couldn't believe that was at all possible. I got checked twice early the next morning and I was 3 cm and 80% effaced. So they started the Pitocin back up. The contractions got stronger and began to feel more like strong cramps. Hub would hold my hand through the bad ones.

My OB came in at about 10am the next morning, and checked me and said he could feel what he thought was a hand coming down before the baby's head, which isn't a good thing as it could cause him to get stuck. So he got the ultrasound and scanned me. He found that what he thought was a hand turned out to be a foot. Jack had turned around during the night. I didn't feel it at all. The OB didn't look too happy. He was thinking out loud and trying to figure out what to do next. He mentioned my worst fear, tying to turn him. I had it in my head that it was scary and dangerous, and I didn't want it no matter what. But, when it came down to it I had the choice of trying to turn him and having a c-section right away. So I decided to let the Ob try and turn him.

They shut off the Pitocin, and we waited for my contractions to stop. It took about an hour although, it felt like it was only a minute. I got an Epidural, which I was also scared of, but turned out to be no big deal at all. The worst part was the numbing medicine that was injected before hand. Once it was in place I layed back down and waited for it to take effect. I felt like ants were crawling all over my body. And said so to my Mom and Hub repeatedly.

My OB came back in and brought another doc with him. I got the idea she hadn't ever tried to turn a baby before, because my OB was giving her instructions. I was nervous. So as they began I shut my eyes, and thought to myself, "Please don't let this hurt Jack". My OB was pushing with all his strength on my belly and the other doc was pulling. I couldn't feel a thing. But, all that effort was no use. Jack wouldn't budge. He's stubborn like his momma.

In what felt like a blink of an eye, I was in the OR being prepped for a C-section. Hub was in the hallway in a yellow paper gown waiting for a nurse to get him. I remember the anaesthesia nurse was complaining about the short notice she was given before they wheeled me in. My OB was talking about Erma's, a really good frozen custard place. The OB tested my belly to see if it was numb, and it wasn't, I could feel the sharp pinches. Which was surprising since I didn't feel all that pushing and pulling on my belly. The nurse put something in my epidural and I got really out of it, and I didn't feel the pinching anymore. They brought Hub in and time slowed way down. Until that moment, it felt like hours were seconds, then it felt like time just stopped as they began cutting. I was waiting for a cry, even the smallest little sound. But there was nothing. I felt tugging for a long time, apparently Jack was really wedged in there.

The tugging stopped, and still no cries. The terror set in, and I don't think my heart was beating. I felt like I was strapped down and helpless and alone. I saw the Peds doc carrying a small grey human to the incubator. They started working on him, and I said to Hub that he was really tiny. I was terrified. Still my baby wasn't crying. I couldn't even see him from where I was, so I didn't know they were bagging him. He wasn't breathing. I must have said, "Breath baby, come on Jack a thousand times". I thought I was going to lose him before I got to hold him and know him at all. Finally, after what felt like hours I heard a tiny mewing sound. Jack cried a few small gurgling cries from the incubator I hadn't taken my eyes off since they layed him in it. I saw a tiny pink foot come kicking up. Then he was wrapped up in Hub's arms and he was beautiful. I wanted so bad to touch him, but my hands were strapped down. I got to kiss his tiny little chubby cheek. Then they took him to the NICU.

I was sewn up and they took me back to my room. They put me on Magnesium and told me I had to stay in my bed until it was done. I had to be on it till the next morning. All I wanted to do was go be with my baby. I sent Hub and my Mom to be with him as soon as he could go. They gave Jack a chest Xray and put him on antibiotics, as a precaution. Hub took lots of pictures of him. He really was very tiny. only 5lbs 13oz. and 18 in long. He was born at 12:33pm. On August 8th. He had fluid in his lungs from being a c-section baby. He got to spend the second night in my room with us, but he developed Jaundice, so they kept him the next night. That was the hardest part. Being away from him after I had gotten to have him with me all night.

I got to go see him for the first time when he was one day old. The NICU nurse put him in my hands and I just stared, and tears filled my eyes. He is so worth everything I had to go through to get to be his mom. I knew right then I would have gladly done it all again just to be his mom. He was so tiny and perfect. He looked at me with big open eyes, and stole my heart. There are no words for how I felt at that moment. Instantly I loved him more then I ever thought I was capable of.

Jack is an amazing two week old baby now. He has his mommy and daddy wrapped around his little finger. He's beautiful, and so happy, and healthy, and I am so thankful.

Although his birth wasn't really what I had been expecting, I wouldn't change a thing about it because, this was the result...



... and he is pretty amazing.

Meet Jack

Jackson Phillip Born 8-8-2010 5 lbs 13 oz 18 1/2 in long.

He stole my heart the moment I saw him. When I finally got to hold him it was the most amazing moment of my life. We had a rough start at things but he is home and healthy now. And despite all the drama, medical and personal induced, (more later) his birth was perfect, and I wouldn't change it if I could.

I'm working on his birth story but it might be a little while because, he is so cute I can't put him down.

The pic with the thumb on his head is his daddy's thumb he took it to show me how little he really is. (I didn't get to see him his whole first day. My BPs were insane and I had to stay in bed on Magnesium.)